The Suffering
by Stranger Danger
Summary: Alex, Paige and Marco were inseparable in grade 9. But when Alex’s feelings for Paige were exposed, the trio steadily drifted apart. What happens the year after graduation when the death of a former schoolmate brings the trio together again? UPDATED 7/13
1. Prologue

**The Suffering**

**Summary:** Alex, Paige and Marco were an inseparable trio in grade 9. However, when Alex's feelings for Paige were exposed, the trio steadily drifted apart. What happens the year after graduation when the death of a former schoolmate brings the trio together again? (AU)(Palex)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi, I only wish I did. And any songs I may use, I don't possess the musical talent to write anything, so if I use a song, I'll credit whoever I got it from. Ah, like the title of this story- The Suffering- is a song by Coheed & Cambria. It's good music! Check it out!

**A/N:** Yeah, so obviously this is AU because we didn't even meet Alex until they were in what, grade 11? I can't remember that far back. For the sake of this story, I'm going to say they graduated in 2006, so they were freshman in 02-03. Certain things that have happened on the show (the shooting, the gonorrhea outbreak, etc) will have happened in here, but not everything (like Paige working at the movies with Alex never happened in here). So yeah, enjoy.

* * *

**Prologue**

_January 22, 2002_

A sudden outburst of laughter from the women's dressing room sent a store clerk flying back there to see what was going on. She opened the door to the dressing rooms, looking for the stall that caused the commotion when she saw the back of a young boy parading up the aisle. She noticed a blue bandana covering his hair and also saw the matching blue bra which was clasped on over his clothing. Then she noticed where the laughter was coming from. Two girls were leaning against the wall, holding on to each other for support. The taller girl had curled blonde hair which rested just above her breasts. The shorter girl had much darker hair and a tanned skin tone. She whispered something to the blonde and the two were at it again laughing. The boy made a turn and stopped short when he saw the impatient clerk standing there. The two girls also stopped laughing. The clerk approached them, folding her arms across her chest.

"What do we have here?" The clerk started, looking displeased. "A boy in the woman's changing room and two loud girls," she paused. "Where are your parents?"  
"Parents," the blonde started, resisting the urge to laugh. "Well, you see, mother dropped us off to do a little shopping."  
"Yes," the boy spoke up this time. "And father gave us all a little spending money. He wants us to look our best."  
"Trust me, you already look good." The darker haired girl laughed, nodding towards the bra on her friend.

Her comment made her two friends bust into another fit of laughter. The clerk threw her hands up and sighed in frustration. She looked down at the unruly teenagers and wondered to herself why she was even working at a job like this. She sighed heavily and waited for them to calm down before she spoke again.

"First of all," she looked towards the boy, "_you_ shouldn't even be in here; it _is_ the woman's dressing room. Second of all, I'm going to need you children to either buy something or get out."  
"Children," the dark haired girl started but was quickly silenced by the blonde.  
"Does this look good on me?" The boy said to the clerk. He pointed at the bra and attempted to look serious.  
"Take that off," she replied, the frustration in her voice evident. "Get out and don't come back unless you have a parent with you."

The trio was now sitting at a table in the brightly lit food court. One tray sat in the middle of the table with three large slices of pepperoni pizza on it. A large cup of soda was in front of each person. They were now laughing and enjoying themselves despite earlier in department store.

"Well _mother_ dropped us off." The dark haired girl started in a perfect imitation of her friend.  
"Alex," the blonde warned, slapping playfully at his friend.  
"Well, Paige, she did do a dead on impression of you just now." The boy laughed.  
"Marco!" Paige whined. "You weren't much better saying that father wanted us to look good."  
"You have to admit it though; Marco was looking good in that bra, Paige. Better than either one of us and he can't even fill one out!" Alex got the group laughing again.  
"Why don't we go to the mall more often?" Paige wondered aloud.  
"Because," Marco started, "papa never wants me out with 'the girls.' You know how he is." He sat up straighter in his chair and resumed speaking, now with a heavy Italian accent. "Marco, how are you going to be bringing home those girls when you are out shopping with them? Why, you are in the ninth grade, I had plenty of girlfriends when I was that age."  
Paige started laughing again and took Marco's hand. "Oh Marco, my wonderful shopping buddy, I'll be your girlfriend! That way your dad will let you come to the mall with us."  
Marco smiled at her. "Thanks, Paige, but what about that Spinner kid you had your eye on?"  
"Oooh, Paige," Alex smirked. "I thought we were best friends, you never told me about this boy you had your eyes on!"  
"Thanks, Marco," Paige blushed a crimson red. "You caught me, Alex. I know that you're going out with Jay and I was trying to get a boyfriend and surprise you so we could all walk in together at the Valentine's dance!"  
Alex let out a squeal and hugged her friend. "What about Marco? We're gonna have to find him a girl to take. How about Ellie? You know, that red head who sits behind you in English. I see how she always looks at you."  
"You mean like how you always look at Jay?" Marco shot back, trying to cover up how uncomfortable the topic made him. "Hey! Isn't that Spinner?" He pointed towards the skate store where sure enough, Spinner was walking in there with his best friend, Jimmy Brooks.  
"Ohmygoshhowdoilookrightnow?" Paige said it all in one breath.  
Alex rolled her eyes. "Fine, as always, go say hi. We'll be right here for support."

Paige looked at Alex, and then at Marco who nodded to back up Alex's words. She smiled at them both and tossed her hair a little. She started walking towards the skate shop, switching her hips a bit too hard. Marco glanced over at Alex and noticed that the girl hadn't taken her chocolate brown eyes off of her best friend's behind. Alex must have felt Marco's stare, because she blushed and suddenly became interested in her pizza, which she hungrily took a bite of. Marco reached out and touched Alex's hand.

"You know, Alex, you can talk to me about anything. Paige, too… The three of us, we're the three amigos, and we have been since the start of this year."  
"Yeah, I know," she smiled at him. "What brought this up?"  
"Just…I don't know," he sighed.  
"Marco, whatever it is, just say it. We're the three amigos, nothing will tear us apart." She smiled reassuringly.  
"Do you like Spinner?" He blurted out. "I mean, I saw that look on your face when I said Paige had her eye on him. It was like a mix of disappointment and jealousy."  
"No," Alex said quickly. "I have Jay; and besides, Spinner isn't the one I like." She mumbled the last part as she took another bite of pizza.  
"What was that?" Marco asked making sure he heard correctly. "If it's not Spinner, is it Paige?"  
"Marco," she said firmly. "I don't want to talk about it."  
"You like Paige!" He exclaimed. He jumped out of his seat and wrapped Alex in a huge hug. "I support you, and I'm sure once you talk to Paige she'll be ok with it. It's gonna be a little awkward at first, I'm sure, but we're the three amigos, nothing can bring us down."  
"I guess," Alex sighed. "It's just… she's my best friend. You aren't supposed to be in love with your best friend."

Behind them, there was a gasp from Paige. She had returned right when Marco had wrapped Alex in a hug and hadn't wanted to ruin the moment. She heard Marco saying that whatever Alex's secret was, she would be ok with it. It wasn't until Alex opened her mouth that Paige realized she wouldn't be ok with it. She had enough drama with her brother when he had come out and started bringing home other boys. She was the straight one in the family, and Alex wasn't going to screw that up for her. In that short amount of time, Paige decided it was time she broke the friendship bond with Alex.

"Hey hons, hate to spoil this warm Oprah moment, but I'm gonna go shopping with Spin, my _boyfriend_," she said the last word looking directly at Alex. "So Marco, I won't need a ride home from your mom. I'll call you later." She said leaving.  
"Did you see that, Marco?" Alex sighed. "The three amigos are over."

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, so I know it may have seemed a bit rushed, but I didn't want the opening thing to be too long. So you read it, now review! Even if it's a bad review, I want to see it. But if you're gonna tell me it sucked, maybe you could tell me why or give me hints or ideas on how to make it better. Ok, thanks. 


	2. 2113

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Degrassi. The title of this chapter is another Coheed & Cambria song. Hmm… I should really pick a new band, but they happen to be what I listen to all the time, especially when I write.

**A/N:** Much love to everyone who reviewed and added me to their favorites. I heart you all! However, shame on everyone who added my stuff to favorites/alerts and didn't comment. I love that you guys like my stuff, but come on, it only takes a minute to write a quick "it was good" or "it sucked" so do it, it makes me happy!

For everyone being like "do they know is Marco gay?" No, they didn't. Sorry if I wasn't clear about that. They were suggesting he take Ellie to the dance, but he changed the subject to avoid having to talk about it, you get it? But that doesn't really matter since the rest of this story takes place after they've graduated. Sorry for all of you people that were expecting to see more scenes with the three amigos. The beginning was just showing the back story, but there will be flashbacks.

Ah, and I also have no idea when JT died… it was sometime during first semester, right? If not, it is now.

This is a sorta long chapter, so if you hate reading long things, you can really just read the ending.

* * *

**Chapter I: 2113**

_October 19, 2007_

**The Del Rossi/Michalchuk/Nash Household**

On the television, a man was talking to his children. A laugh track rolled on in the background. Marco rolled his eyes and snuggled closer into his boyfriend Dylan's chest. Dylan, whose arm had already been around Marco, gave him a light squeeze and smiled down at him. Marco looked up and returned the smiled. Their roommate, Ellie, who was sitting on the recliner adjacent to the couch they were on cleared her throat loudly and smirked at them. Marco glanced over at Ellie and gave her an innocent smile before Dylan leaned in and kissed him. Ellie rolled her eyes at her two friends and stood up to give them some alone time when the TV program was suddenly cut short, being replaced by the familiar theme of the Toronto News.

"Good evening, everyone," a woman began, "Elizabeth Foster here bringing you a breaking news story at 9:13 PM. Somewhere along the 2600 block of Grove Street in southern Toronto, a fatal stabbing has recently taken place within the past half hour. The victim was a teenage boy, but for privacy reasons, currently no other information can be released. There is more on this story to come tonight on the ten o'clock news, but for now, it's back to your scheduled programming."

Ellie grew pale at the sudden news and slumped back into the recliner. Marco sat up and rushed over to his friend. Dylan stayed in his position on the couch, but looked ready to get up at a moment's notice. Marco was now kneeling in front of Ellie who was laying back on the recliner staring blankly at nothing.

"El, what is it, what's wrong?" He said in a comforting tone.  
"That block she mentioned," she replied in a hoarse tone. "Emma lives there."  
"They said it was a boy, El, not a girl. Mr. Simpson is too old and her brother is too young."  
"No, no they were having a party at her house today. I overheard Jay and Spinner talking about it yesterday when I was at the Dot."  
"Ok…." Marco said slowly, trying to figure things out. "Since when would you be worried if Jay or Spin got stabbed or stabbed someone?"  
"Sean was supposed to be going… you know him and Emma…" she sighed.  
Marco nodded in understanding. "I get you now, you're always gonna worry about that boy even if it is a little bit. I'm sure he's fine. That could be anyone, we don't know what happened."  
"Yeah," Dylan spoke up suddenly. "Let's just wait for the news later and see what really happened."

Ellie sat up in the recliner and curled herself into a ball. She figured they were right, and there was no reason for her to be worrying over something she didn't know about. Marco returned to the couch but sat there feeling tense. Dylan wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulder again, but didn't make any moves on him. The room was silent save for the TV, which had resumed the cheesy sitcom. They continued to sit there in silence for another three minutes before a frantic knocking on the door scared them. Ellie let out a scream and curled up tighter. Marco clung to Dylan who glanced at the door warily. The knocking continued.

Dylan stood up, nearly pulling Marco up with him. Marco leaned on the arm of the couch watching Dylan and hoping there wasn't a knife toting psycho on the other end of the door. He shook his head, thinking he was being crazy. The block Emma lived on was at least thirty minutes walking distance from their house. There was no way a killer could run that fast. Not to mention the news story had just been five minutes ago, though Elizabeth Foster had said the stabbing had been a half hour ago, meaning someone could have ran to their house that fast. Marco stood up and shook his head again, trying to clear his mind. He moved towards the door, ready to protect Dylan.

Cautiously, Dylan opened the door and then broke into a smile. He started laughing and moved out of the doorway, allowing the knocker to come inside. It was none other than Alex. She was clearly a little tipsy and visibly shaken. Marco walked up to his old friend and gave her a hug. He led her over to the couch and took a seat next to her. Ellie looked over at Alex but kept the blank expression on her face.

"Alex, weren't you watching TV or listening to the radio? Someone just got stabbed near Emma's house and you're walking around all drunk banging on peoples doors?" Mario said his tone half serious and half joking.  
Alex shook her head dismissively. "No, you don't… understand… I was there. Jay drove me. Lakehurst bastards… he's dead." She mumbled. Whether she was too drunk or too scared to string a sentence together, they were unsure.  
"Who," Ellie sat up. "Was it Sean? Alex, what happened?"  
"Not Sean…" she replied. "Sean was… I don't know. The Lakehurst kids… Jay threw them out… they… they killed… JT is gone."

Yet another silence filled the room. They all absorbed what Alex had just said. JT Yorke was gone. Dylan looked thoughtful. He remembered his sister Paige telling him about how the girls paid her to go on a date with JT, and how she felt horrible when they revealed this right in front of him. Dylan also remembered her saying how she may have had a small crush on the boy at the time. He knew she was going to be crushed when she heard the news.

Marco had memories of JT, but none of them were really that personal. Sure, they had talked a few times here and there, but nothing more than that. From what he knew though, JT had been a good kid and he didn't deserve whatever happened to him. Ellie too had memories, and unlike Marco, hers were somewhat personal. She remembered one time, when she still hung out with Ash, when the two girls played a game of Monopoly with Toby and JT. She had landed on one of JT's properties and had to pay him for it. She remembered him joking around with her using a mobster type voice when he demanded the money. She smiled fondly at this memory and wondered why someone as good as JT had to go.

Alex sat there feeling completely numb. She kept replaying the night over in her head. Of course, she couldn't remember anything. She remembered going in with Jay helping him bring in the beer. They had drunk a few cans at her house with Chad and her mother and had shown up with a slight buzz. She couldn't remember much else aside from a stunning blonde that she didn't know dancing with her. The blonde reminded her so much of… No, she wasn't going to sit there thinking of the girl who had controlled her thoughts ever since a winter day back in grade nine. She tried to focus her thoughts again on the party, but they kept drifting back to the blonde.

"Paige," Alex mumbled, not realizing what she was doing.  
"What?" Ellie looked at her friend in surprise.  
"I'm sure she means we should call her," Marco said quickly. "You know, since she did know JT and everything."  
Dylan nodded. "Yeah, you guys stay in here, I'll go call her." He left the three in the living room and headed for the kitchen to call his sister.

Alex sat there with a dazed look on her face. Ellie looked at her and then to Marco with a question in her eyes. Seeing his friends look, Marco shook his head. Alex's feelings for Paige were something that only the two of them- and Paige- knew about, and he planned to keep it that way. The ten o'clock news came on and, of course, the opening story was on JT's murder.

"Good evening, everyone; this is Elizabeth Foster here bringing you tonight's ten o'clock news. Our opening story is on the stabbing of a young teenager."

The news shifted from the anchor to a shot outside of Emma's house. JT's car could be seen and under the streetlamp the blood could be seen on the car door. Police tape was surrounding the area and the street was empty aside from a few police officers.

"School rivalry took a deadly turn tonight when Degrassi Community School's JT Yorke, a senior, was stabbed upon leaving his friend's house on the 2600 block of Grove Street in southern Toronto. It is unknown who his attacker was, but many close friends and other Degrassi students are pointing fingers towards Lakehurst High School, on the north side of Toronto, due to an earlier altercation involving Lakehurst students and Yorke. A student who chooses to remain anonymous has stepped forward to provide the police with a lead on who the attacker may have been. Coming to us now from the scene of the crime is Chief of Police Patrick Davidson. Go ahead, chief."

"Good evening to you, Elizabeth. Well, what we have here, of course, is a case of manslaughter. Now, normally my boys and I would blame this on another crazy drunk or a mugging, but the leads and the back stories we have heard have indeed lead us to look towards Lakehurst High. As you have said, we did receive a lead on who the attackers may have been and we getting sketches of the suspects made as we speak. I can't say anymore for now, but we will of course alert you if anything new comes up."

The news shifted back to Elizabeth, who was shifting through papers on her desk. She looked up at the camera with a sad look in her eyes.

"So far, what you just heard is all we have right now. If you, or anyone you know, may have news on the murder, you are encouraged to call your local police department with news. Now in other news-"

The TV was cut off by Marco, who was holding the remote. Ellie's expression finally changed from blank to one that was harder to read. It was a mix of sorrow and anger. Now it was Alex's turn to look blank. Her mind was so full with thoughts of JT, Paige and everything in between. Marco gave his friend a supportive squeeze on the shoulder. A very tired looking Dylan came back into the living room and sat down on the other side of Marco.

"Alex, you're a mess, stay here tonight?" Marco asked.  
Alex, who was too tired to speak, nodded in reply and rested her head on Marco's shoulder. She was already starting to drift into sleep.  
"I just got done talking to Paige," Dylan sighed. "She's coming down here first thing tomorrow for the funeral and everything. I guess she'll be in the guest room."  
Marco looked at Alex and noticed she was already asleep. "Someone's going to be in for a surprise tomorrow morning…" He shook his head.

* * *

**A/N:** Was it good? Bad? Oh, and if you caught how the song title tied into the story, extra cool points for you! Because, unless I'm wrong, 21:13 is equal to 9:13 PM, the time the news update came on. Anyways, I know this chapter was a little long and boring (if you skimmed it, you sure didn't miss much), but the next one will be good. And yeah, I know the dates and stuff are messed up, and I have no idea if Sean and Ellie were even talking around the time JT died (I don't think they were... whatever). So you know the deal, review and tell me how good/bad it was and you get rewarded with another chapter! 


	3. Hurricane

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own Degrassi. The title of this chapter is a song by Something Corporate. It's a good band.

**A/N:** Hey everyone thanks for the reviews! Keep 'em coming, they make me smile. Sorry it took me so long to update, I just hadn't been in much of a writing mood lately. I promise this chapter will be a good one. There might be some Paige and Alex interaction!

Hmm… did they ever say when Paige's birthday was? I didn't say what day it was on, but let's just assume that it's sometime before January.

* * *

**Chapter II: Hurricane**

_October 19, 2007_

**Banting University – Co-Ed Dorms Room 274**

There was a loud thump outside of the door followed by someone swearing loudly and a few giggles. After a few more minutes there was another thump, this time followed by the loud laughter of guys. The next sound came from someone yelling for more beer and someone else saying they were "too drunk to function." After a few more minutes of laughing and some yelling, the hallway was quiet once again. Now the only sound in the room came from Paige, who was sitting at her desk. Her fingers hit the laptop keyboard noisily as she sat there typing away at a paper. She would sigh every now and then, lean back in her seat and yawn before going back to the essay.

In the hallway, there was another loud thump, a crash and a scream. She stopped typing and shut the laptop, knowing nothing would get done now. She then picked up a pen and went over to her bed. She reached behind her pillow and pulled out a small notebook. It was one of those notebooks with the cover that you could put a picture in. She stopped to look over the picture. It was a picture from her fifteenth birthday party. She smiled at the memory- she had wanted an ice skating party that year.

* * *

"_Come on, Marco, it's just a little ice!" Alex laughed and skated past her friend to link arms with her other friend, Paige. The two skated past Marco.  
_"_Just a little ice," Marco raised his eyebrow. "I could fall or something."  
"That's the fun in it, I guess." Paige smirked. "I wouldn't know about falling, my dad made me and Dylan take ice skating lessons."  
__Alex rolled her eyes. "Of course Paige never falls, she's gonna go pro and be the best ice skater in all of Canada!"  
__Marco laughed and reluctantly stepped on to the ice. "Well… if I fall, I'm blaming you guys, you know!"_

_Alex broke away from Paige and skated to Marco's left side. She linked her arm with his and looked over at Paige. Paige followed Alex's lead and linked arms with Marco on his right. The two girls started skating, with Marco taking smaller strides in the middle. He was glad that his two friends were supporting him. They had made a lap around the rink and were starting off on a second one when Paige's father came up to them and leaned against the railing with a camera._

_"Smile," he called out, raising the camera. _

* * *

The picture made Paige laugh. Marco had feigned a look of terror, Alex was laughing and Paige had an overconfident look on her face. She sighed heavily and continued to stare at the picture, allowing her eyes to stare at Alex for a few seconds longer than the rest of the picture. She missed the days where they were the "Three Amigos" of Degrassi, she really did. Although their reign had been a short one- lasting from the start of freshman year until about the beginning of their second semester- it had definitely been one of her best times in high school. _It's not your fault_, she reminded herself. _It was all Alex. _She sighed and starting writing in her notebook. If she couldn't type anything on her laptop because of the noise, she could at least try to jot down some notes for later. 

Paige gave up on the note taking after the hallway became noisy again. There was always a party going on in the dorm, but for some reason she just couldn't bring herself to go out and have a good time. She always had that fear that any boy she ran into could be another Dean. She missed the parties back home where everyone would just get together at someone's house, listen to music and just be stupid. The graduation parties had been the best. Even though Jay hadn't graduated, he still managed to make appearances and supply alcohol at every party. Paige sighed. She would do anything to be at a Degrassi party right now. Just then, her phone rang. The caller ID read: Dylan.

"Hey Dylan," she said with a smile on her face. "What's up? It is 9:30 at night… why aren't you and Marco out somewhere?"  
"Hey Paige," Dylan said in a tired tone. "No, we stayed in with Ellie today, and I'm glad we did."  
"Wait, what do you mean by that?"  
"Paige, you know that girl Emma? She had a party today..."  
"Emma Nelson had a party? Then again, I forgot, she did become Jay Hogart's ravine ho, so I shouldn't be so surprised."  
"Yeah… no… Paige, listen, Emma had a party and something happened… have you been watching TV lately?"  
"No, you know I don't have a TV in my room and everyone else is in the hall partying." Her voice dropped. "You know after the whole Dean thing I'm kinda worried about going out there with so many drunk guys."  
Dylan sighed on his end of the phone. "Well listen, I don't know how to tell you this, but someone died at her party. They… they were killed."  
"Oh, that's terrible! Who was it, was it Manny? I know she's close with Emma."  
"No, Paige, it was JT."

When Paige heard that JT was dead, she slid down on her bed so she went from sitting to lying down. The phone was still pressed to her ear, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything. She couldn't believe it. Sure, she and JT hadn't been super close lately, but they definitely had their share of memories. She thought about the time when her friends had paid her to go on a date with JT. She hadn't wanted to do it for the money, but she _had_ been broke. She had actually had some small feelings for him and she felt horrible when he found out she only went on the date for the money. Those feelings had passed, but that didn't mean she stopped caring about JT. She knew he was a great kid who was always looking out for other people and she knew it should have been someone else to go.

"Paige?" Dylan's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Are you still there?"  
"Oh, yeah, sorry," she said in a shaky tone. "So JT is really gone?"  
"Yeah, we heard it from Al-" he started coughing. "Sorry, we heard it on the news just now. It was a breaking story."  
Paige was silent for a moment. She glanced over at her laptop and made a decision. "Banting can go on hold for a few days, I'm coming home. I know I wasn't the closest with JT lately, but I feel that I need to go to his funeral."  
"Coming home when? We have to clean the guest room up a little."  
"I'll be there tomorrow morning so you guys better clean tonight."  
"Call me tomorrow when you get into town so someone will be up to get the door for you. You know how much I like my sleep." Dylan said laughing.  
"Such a bum, as always," she laughed with him. "I'll see you tomorrow… I love you, bye."  
"I love you, too, bye." He sighed and their conversation ended.

Paige set her phone down on the table and picked up the notebook again. She thumbed through pages of random notes, memories and pictures before reaching a blank page. She quickly started writing.

* * *

_October 20, 2007_

**The Del Rossi/Michalchuk/Nash Household**

The guest room had been cleaned up and Marco had carried Alex upstairs and put her on the extra bed to continue sleeping. Dylan had told Marco that Paige would be coming and sleeping in that room, but Marco assured him that Alex would probably be awake and gone before Paige came home. When Ellie tried to ask Marco what the big deal was about Alex seeing Paige, he had changed the subject and then decided he wanted to go to bed. Tired and defeated, she too went to bed.

It was now about nine in the morning. The sun was fully shining when a buzzing sound accompanied with the Canadian anthem came from Marco and Dylan's bedside table. Marco grunted and wriggled out of Dylan's protective grip to shake him on the shoulder. Dylan opened his eyes and sat up yawning. He reached over on to the table and answered his phone.

"Hello," he said tiredly.  
"Dylan, my favorite older brother, how long am I going to have to grace the doorstep with my presence?" Paige's tone was cheerful yet irritated.  
"Paige, I told you to call me when you were coming into town, not when you were on the front step."  
"I did, I called you at eight and you said to call back when I was here."  
"You never called me at eight…"  
"Yeah I did, hon. Did you fall back asleep or something?"  
"I guess I did go back to sleep…" he winked at Marco. "Well you won't have to stand there much longer, Marco here will go get the door."  
"Great!" Paige hung up before he had the chance to say anything else.

Dylan smiled over at Marco and lay back down. Marco groaned and got out of bed. He stretched and headed downstairs. On his way to the door, he stopped at the kitchen and looked at Ellie, who was sitting at the table drinking coffee. He was about to ask why she didn't get the door when she looked up and nodded towards the door, giving him a fake smile. Ellie didn't seem too excited to have Paige coming in, and Marco knew Alex wouldn't be too happy either when she woke up. He opened the front door and was suddenly locked in a hug with Paige.

Paige had a duffel bag slung across her shoulder and was gripping a suitcase in one hand. To say she was only saying for a few days, she packed as if she were going on a long vacation. She released Marco from the hug and stepped inside the house, letting her suitcase fall to the ground with a loud bang. Ellie looked in Paige's direction, clearly annoyed, but didn't say anything. Marco lifted up the suitcase and started heading upstairs with it. Paige followed behind him.

"Oh, um… wouldn't you rather have breakfast?" Marco said nervously.  
"Have breakfast with Ellie?" Paige raised an eyebrow. "Thanks but no. Besides, I ate already. I need to go lay down." She sped ahead of Marco and ran to the guest room.

Marco winced and nearly dropped the suitcase when he heard Paige yell and the guest room door slammed shut.

"MARCO!!!!" Paige exclaimed. "Why is she in my bed?!"  
"Paige," Marco came up the last few stairs as fast as he could with a heavy suitcase. "Well, you see, she came over last night from Emma's party to tell us about JT and well…"  
"Oh, so she shows up wasted, tells you JT is dead and you let her crash in my room on my bed?"  
"How was I supposed to know you were just gonna up and drop Banting to come running back here? And I didn't think you would be here this early."  
"Marco," she whined.  
"Paige, you haven't said more than maybe five words to her since freshman year, I think you need to get over it." He said firmly.

He walked past her into the gust room and set the suitcase down against the wall. He closed the door and walked over to the bed, gently shaking Alex awake. She swore and buried her head under the pillows.

"Alex," Marco said in an exasperated tone. "Paige is outside that door."  
She suddenly sat up and moved a hand to her head. "Whoa, way too fast… Paige is really out there?" She said trying to hide her interest.  
"Yeah, you didn't hear her yelling?"  
"Oh, I thought that was Ellie." She yawned. "Why isn't she at school?"  
"She came because of JT…" he said quietly.  
"Right…" she shivered. "She doesn't do it on purpose, but she makes me shake."  
"Still? Alex, it's been almost five years…"  
"Five years of covering it up, Marco. Five years of hanging around dirty, cheating Jay and getting an STD and working in the movie theatre to cover my mom and her idiot boyfriend. Five years of going to the ravine and drinking the pain away. Five years of hooking up with any guy just to take my mind off of her."  
Marco sighed and moved away from the window and closer to the door. "The two of you need to have a talk, I think."

Outside of the room, Paige was leaning against the door, lost in thought. Alex was lying in her bed. Alex her former best friend who had been or still was in love with her. Paige hated to admit it, but she did sort of miss the way things were. She thought about how her life would have been different had they stayed the Three Amigos. She looked down at her watch and sighed. From what she remembered, Alex could sleep through anything and wouldn't wake up until she was satisfied.

"Now I count the hours until you wake," Paige mumbled to the door, silently willing Alex to wake up. "With your baby's breath you breathe symphonies…" She sighed. She hated to admit it, but she did miss the old days. Or maybe she just missed Alex since she did still talk to Marco.

Marco sighed as he approached the door. "Come on, sweet catastrophe," he mumbled as he opened the door.  
Paige fell forward into the room but caught herself. "Well, it looks like all three amigos in are together at last."  
"Too bad it took a death to make you come around." Alex said bitterly.  
"I'll leave you two to catch up… bye." Marco practically ran from the room.

* * *

**A/N:** Ok, I didn't really like this chapter, so if you think it sucked, too, feel free to leave a review saying that. If you thought it was good, review! I thought I was gonna have a Paige and Alex reunion in this chapter, but that would have may the chapter a lot longer, so look forward to the two of them talking next chapter! I'm debating on if iI wanna make the next chapter a sort of songfic. I have the song picked out, but I dunno if I should just leave it as the title or actually use it. Your call! So review and let me know! 


	4. Sidewinder

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer: **I think it goes without saying that I don't, and never will, own Degrassi. The chapter of this story is an amazing song by Avenged Sevenfold.

**A/N:** Hello everyone! As always, thanks for the reviews! So sorry I haven't updated this in forever, but I just wasn't feeling any good ideas for the next chapter. I mean yeah, I had wrote some stuff, but it was all crap and I'd rather take a while and finally churn out a good chapter than update this story religiously with poor chapters. Anyways, enjoy this chapter! I had a good time writing this chapter and I really like it. I hope you guys like it, too and this makes up for my lack of updates lately.

And a few things are different, but like I said before, not everything is happening in here as it happened on the show.

* * *

**Chapter III: Sidewinder**

_October 20, 2007_

**The Del Rossi/Michalchuk/Nash Household**

Paige stared after Marco's quickly retreating figure, her mouth open in shock. She quickly shut her mouth and turned around to face Alex. Blue-green eyes met brown ones, and they stood that way for a brief moment before Paige broke the stare. She looked down at her shoes and tried to think of something to say. There wasn't really anything she could say. Sorry definitely wouldn't cut things with Alex. If anything, saying sorry would get her a worse tongue-lashing than if she just kept quiet. She snuck a quick glance at Alex and found herself lost in thought.

To Paige, Alex looked completely different from her last decent memory of her. She had let her hair grow and had ditched the wife beaters and baggy jeans for more fitting clothes. On the outside, she definitely looked a lot different from how she did in ninth grade, but Paige wondered if she was still the same girl she had been friends with. Somehow, she doubted it. After she overheard Alex admitting her feelings for her, Paige had distanced herself as far as possible from her, quickly jumping into a relationship with Spinner. She had never originally wanted to push Alex away, considering that her older brother was gay, but she just wanted Alex to get the message that she was dating a boy and would never be into her. Somehow, though, everything had changed.

* * *

**Degrassi Boys Soccer Conditioning  
****3-6PM in the east wing weight room  
****Starting on February 10****th**** for all boys  
****See Coach Armstrong for more info.**

_"You're going to do soccer, right?" Paige said, standing on her tip toes and resting her head on Spinner's shoulder to read the sign._

_"Yeah, definitely, you know I'm gonna be the star of the freshman team, and you'll be cheering me on." He smiled at her effort to make conversation even though he knew she didn't really care about soccer._

_"You're going to be my soccer stud!" She said with a laugh, hugging him._

_He hugged her back but then frowned. "Paige, that starts tomorrow. That means we can't do that much hanging out now until the weekend. But hey, on the plus side, Marco can stop calling you all the time because you'll have more time to spend with him and Alex."_

_"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I haven't hung out with Marco in forever! We only ever talk on the phone or online these days!" She chose to ignore his mention of Alex._

_Spinner noticed how Paige didn't mention Alex, but he didn't think anything of it. He had noticed that the two didn't talk during school, but he just figured they did all of their hanging out on the weekends or spent half the night on the phone. In a way, he felt bad that Paige was spending more time with him than with her best friends, but at the same time he didn't, because he _was_ her boyfriend. _

* * *

Paige came out of her memory and frowned slightly. She had finally thought of something to say, but she wasn't sure exactly how to say it. She looked over at Alex and opened her mouth to speak, but found that the girl was now staring out the window. Alex seemed to be lost in her thoughts about how the girls had drifted so far apart.

* * *

**Hey! Degrassi girls! Do you have panther pride?  
****If so, be sure to try out for the spring Spirit Squad!  
****Tryouts will be on February 11****th**** in the main gym at 3  
****See Coach Morales (Room 314) for more information  
****NOTE: Fall/Winter cheerleaders still need to try out**

_"Spirit squad, are they serious?" Alex snorted and looked over at Marco. "I can't see why anyone would want to do that."_

_"You would look hot out there shaking your ass." A voice said from behind both her and Marco. The voice belonged to Jay Hogart._

_"Leave it to Mr. Held-Back-A-Year to make that comment." Marco said rolling his eyes._

_"Better I'm chasing pussy than dick, Del Faggot. Just come out and admit it to everyone already." Jay smirked then smiled at Alex. "You think about doing it. With your looks, you could get a whole lot more guys to have school spirit. And you know... I've always wanted a cheerleader girlfriend." _

_Alex's grin widened, but she quickly stopped smiling, remembering that Paige had talked about joining the spring Spirit Squad back when they had still been friends. "You know," she looked up at Jay. "If you want to date me, all you have to do is ask. But I guess you won't, because sorry to disappoint you, but I'll never be a cheerleader."_

_"I'm full of surprises… I'll catch you later." Jay gave Marco a quick shove before winking at Alex and walking away._

_"Tell me you're not considering joining Spirit Squad just so he'll date you? Alex, he's disgusting and you could do so much better." Marco said brushing himself off._

_"I'm not joining Spirit Squad, Marco," she sighed. "Not because of him though, but because Paige is doing it, remember? She won't give me the time of day anymore. I wish she would though. Then I could have my best friend back, be on the squad with her, and have a boyfriend."_

_"Oh jeeez, don't date him! As for Paige, every time I try to talk to her about you, she changes the subject."_

_"Figures…"_

_"It's weird though. She does this thing… where she'll stop and it seems like she wants to say something about you, but then she doesn't."_

* * *

Alex sighed and realized that maybe, if she hadn't fallen for Jay, things would have been different. She turned away from the window and looked over at Paige who had an all too familiar look on her face. Alex knew that as her "I have something to say but don't know the right way to say it" look. She also knew it as the last look Paige had ever really given her. She looked at Paige expectantly, waiting to hear what weak form of apology she would throw out. 

"Alex," Paige started. "I need to talk to you and need to tell you something and I need you to just listen to me, ok?"

Alex nodded. She had a feeling this was going to turn into yet another long-winded "feel sorry for me" sob story that Paige was so good at.

"You were my best friend in freshman year… well… half of freshman year. And then I joined the Spirit Squad, and you started dating Jay, and we started drifting apart." She stopped suddenly, realizing her mistake. "Wait, no, forget that. We didn't start drifting because of Spirit Squad. We started drifting because you liked me." She stopped again. "I don't mean it like that, Alex, it's not your fault at all, I swear. It was just that there was all that pressure of Dylan being the gay one in the family and my parents having to handle all of that. I couldn't turn around and put the same sort of pressure on them. I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but I'm sorry."

Alex looked at Paige blankly and then laughed. "Right, of course, it's always about you Paige. You had to completely stop talking to me because you couldn't put any stress on your parents. Well, if you were so straight and so in love with Spinner, why did it matter that I liked you, huh? Me liking you wouldn't have put any stress on your parents unless _you had liked me back._" She spit out the last few words.

Alex sat down on the bed and looked up at Paige, allowing what she just said to soak in. She was surprised Paige hadn't had some sort of quick retort to her comment. Paige herself was surprised that she didn't have a comeback to what Alex had said. She knew deep down that Alex was right. Having a girl like her wouldn't have given her parents any stress. It's not like she would go home and tell her parents her best friend loved her. It was the other thing Alex said that had troubled her- the possibility that she had, if even for a few seconds, ever thought of Alex as more than a friend.

The thought of liking Alex scared Paige. Besides the obvious fact that her parents would have had the initial shock and stress to deal with, she just couldn't see herself liking a girl in that way. She then thought about Dylan. For a brief moment, the thought of being gay running in the family went through her mind, but she shook her head, deciding otherwise. She was straight. She had dated Spinner and… Her mind went blank and then she remembered that she had also dated Matt, or Mr. O as the students had called him. _The only person I've dated beside Spinner was a teacher! He doesn't really count!_ _So I've only had one boyfriend… ever… but that doesn't mean anything. Or, it means nothing for Alex, anyway. It can't…_ She thought to herself.

"Paige?" Alex said, breaking her train of thought. "How unlike you, I was expecting a snappy putdown by now."

"That's your problem," Paige snapped back suddenly. "You expect a lot of things from me. Like how you expected me to like you!"

"I didn't expect anything from you." She said hotly. "After I realized I didn't like you, the only thing I expected was for you to be a waste of my time and I guess you proved me right there." She stood up and walked out of the room, pushing past Paige.

"Lexi…" Paige stopped suddenly, and Alex did, too. Paige hadn't used that name for her since they had stopped talking. "Alex," she mumbled, sounding embarrassed. "That's it? You're just going to walk away from this like you do with everything else?"

Alex turned around and faced her. "What other choice do I have? Paige, even when I was going out with Jay, it just didn't feel right. It didn't feel right because I knew I should have been with you. But no, I couldn't have you then and apparently, I still can't have you now."

Paige sighed, feeling defeated. "That's what you-" She stopped suddenly. "Maybe you should just go. I mean… or maybe you can… forget it."

Alex stared at Paige, debating whether or not she wanted to challenge what she had just said. She decided against it and walked out of the room. She was going to tell Marco she was leaving, but assumed he would figure it out. When Paige heard the front door slam she collapsed on the bed not really knowing how to feel. She started crying, only to be interrupted a few minutes later by a knock on the door.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry if the ending seemed a little unfinished or whatever to some of you. It's just that I had originally put something else, but then I decided that I should just cut it where I have it so this chapter didn't get too long. Oh, and I'm well aware that boy's soccer season is in the fall (or, it is here anyway) but since in the prologue I had had Alex and Paige's falling out in January I just figured "whatever" and went with it. So you know the deal. Comment away even if it's a bad review. Constructive criticism never killed anyone. And I'll try and do updates more often!


	5. Affliction

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Degrassi. This chapter's title is an AFI song.

**A/N:** Once again, thanks for all the great reviews! I doubt there's gonna be much Palex interaction in this chapter, if any, but I promise this won't be a boring chapter! And get ready for the funeral, that'll be coming up in a few chapters.

**Chapter IV: Affliction**

_October 20, 2007_

**The Del Rossi/Michalchuk/Nash Household**

Marco was lying on top of the bed cuddling with Dylan and listening to the argument down the hallway in their guest bedroom- or trying to listen. To both Marco and his boyfriend's surprise, it was rather quiet. They couldn't hear anything from the girls. Dylan knew how much Paige enjoyed a good argument and was wondering how much longer it would be before she started shouting. Marco was thinking similar to Dylan, only he was thinking about Alex. She hadn't become one of Degrassi's bad asses to sit back and talk calmly with the girl who had cut her out of her life five years earlier. Marco leaned forward slightly. He was straining his ears for a sound, but nothing was coming down the hallway to him.

"It's quiet…." Marco stated.

"Too quiet," Dylan agreed, trying not to laugh.

"Shut up, I'm serious!" Marco giggled. "You know how Alex and Paige are; they should be at each other's throats by now. Unless Alex already got to her throat…"

"Or maybe they kissed and made up… literally."

"Get out of here with that! I've always wondered what if, but it will never work."

"Don't be so surprised, Marco. I never did tell you what Paige thought about the whole thing, did I?"

"I was her best guy friend; I think I would have known everything."

"Her best _straight_ guy friend," Dylan smirked at the younger boy. "As I recall, it took you another year to finally let out what you and I both knew…"

"You knew? But, if you knew, why didn't you ever…"

"It wasn't my place, Marco. That's the kind of thing you have to find out yourself."

"Stop changing to subject!" Marco whined. "I like gossip, so spill. What did Paige _really_ think about the Alex situation?"

* * *

_Spinner gave Paige a hug and told her he would call her sometime this week. Jimmy waved goodbye and she thanked Spinner's mom for the ride home. As she walked up the driveway to her house, she felt like both the best and worst person in the world. She felt like the best person, because things with Spinner were off to a good start, yet she felt like the worst person because she had hurt Alex. Granted the two had only been friends for a few months, but Paige had wanted their friendship to be a long one. _

_She walked inside the house and noticed her older brother Dylan stretched across the couch talking on the phone. A sad smiled played across her face. Her brother was a junior in high school, and was openly gay. Not that Paige minded any of that; it was just that looking at her brother just then made her think of Alex. It made her think of what she had said and the hurt look on her face when Paige had purposely called Spinner her boyfriend. She hadn't meant for it to hurt Alex so much- after all, that was her best friend and she did love her. She just wasn't sure if she loved Alex the way she knew Alex loved her. She couldn't love Alex that way- not after what her parents went through at first with Dylan. Not to mention she had never liked a girl that way._

"_Heyyyyyy sis," Dylan had gotten off the phone and sat up. He patted the seat next to him. "Are you, Marco and Alex still coming to my hockey game tonight?"_

_Paige flinched at the mention of Alex's name. "No, I don't think they can. I know Alex can't…"_

_He noticed his sister tense up, but chose not to say anything. "Are you sure about that? I mean, weren't you guys just at the mall?"_

"_Yeah uh… Alex has um… a test and uh… Marco got in trouble because he didn't clean his room." It was a bad lie, and they both knew it._

"_Oh," Dylan decided to let the lie pass. "So did Marco's mom get a new van? That one looked different."_

"_No, no, that was just a rental."_

"_Ok… Paige… what's up?" He looked at her with concern in his eyes._

"_Nothing… just… I… Dylan, how did you know you were gay?" She suddenly blurted out._

"_Paige, are you…?" He let the question hang in the air._

"_Oh! No! It's not me. No, of course not," She got defensive._

"_I trust you wouldn't lie to me about something like that of all things. And to answer your question, it was just a feeling, you know? Sort of the way you feel when you look at guys. I feel that too instead of feeling it when I look at girls."_

"_Oh…" she furrowed her brow in thought. "Can you… feel it about both?"_

"_Yeah, you can," he nodded. "And there's nothing wrong with that, you know."_

"_Alex likes me and it scares the shit out of me and I heard her tell Marco she loved me and I ran, Dylan, I ran like hell. I ran right into Spinner and Jimmy and I jumped on Spinner just to prove to myself that I would have him, and not Alex. Dylan, though, I think I might just like her back, only a little. But I can't! I like Spinner! I like him so much, Alex is messing this up for me!" Paige seemed to say this all in one breath._

_Dylan looked at his sister. His expression wasn't one of disgust or annoyance, and it wasn't even surprise. His look was one of understanding. He wrapped his arms around his baby sister and pulled her into a quick hug where she broke down on his shoulder crying. All he had to do was hold her._

_

* * *

_

Marco inhaled slowly when Dylan finished telling him about Paige's fears about Alex's revelation. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense to him. He remembered the times when he would hang out with Paige after she stopped speaking to Alex. He had asked her countless times about fixing things with Alex. She would always ignore him, or change the subject, but now that he thought about, he did remember how her eyes would sparkle a little any time her name came up. He had never stopped to think that maybe she felt something for Alex, too.

The hallway was still quiet, but now they heard muffled footsteps quickly moving along the carpet to their room. The footsteps stopped and then started up again, but this time the sound faded away. A few minutes later, they heard the door slam shut. Marco and Dylan both exchanged curious glances. They had both assumed things were going well considering they hadn't heard anything. But the quick footsteps and slamming door was making them think otherwise. Marco got up and hurried out of the room. Down the hallway through the open guest bedroom door, he could only see feet hanging over the edge of the bed and hear muffled crying. He knocked on the door and peeked inside the room, surprised to see that Paige was crying.

She stopped and looked up at him. "Hi Marco," she sniffled.

"Paige," he walked over to her. "What's the matter? It was so quiet; I thought everything was going good."

"I let her go again," she shook her head. "She basically knew that I had liked her so I told her to get out. Now I won't see her again until the funeral, and I know she won't give me the chance to explain anything."

Marco stared at his friend. "She knew you liked her then… Do you still?"

"I… well… It's kind of… Yes." She nodded.

"Then don't worry, I'll take care of this."

* * *

_October 20, 2007_

**The Ravine**

Alex snatched up a beer from the cooler and headed towards the table- towards Jay. She sat down next to him and opened the can. He looked over at her in surprise but only nodded before going back to his own drink. The two sat there in a comfortable silence drinking their beers and taking everything in. He was the first to finish his, and the noise his can made when he crushed it broke the silence.

"Want me to get you another?" He asked, standing up.

"Sure, I had a hard morning..."

"I could tell by the way you came charging in here just now."

He came back after a minute with two cans of beer. He set hers down in front of her and opened it. He opened his and took a long drink before sitting down again. Once again, they drank in silence. This time, however, it was Alex who broke the silence.

"Jay, do you remember what I said when I broke up with you?"

"Oh god, don't remind me…"

* * *

_"I can't believe you!" Alex shouted. "You hook up with every slut in the ravine and give me a STD yet here you are at my apartment door wanting to watch TV and hang out like old times!"_

_"Sorry," Jay said lowly. "Lexi… you know I still lo-"_

_"Shut up," she cut him off. "I don't even want to hear it. Things will never be like the old times, Jay, because in the old times, I didn't even know you."_

_"Yeah, and you know I didn't mean that far back. I meant when we first starting dating… minus all of the making out in my car and other relationship stuff. Unless… you know… that window is always open for you."_

_"You come over here wanting to just be friends and you're already offering to hook up. What part of 'you gave me a STD' do you not get?"_

_He rolled his eyes at her and walked inside the apartment. The TV was on a soccer match and Chad, Alex's mother's boyfriend, was passed out in the arm chair while Emily, her mother, was cleaning up the beer bottles at his feet. She smiled up at Jay and motioned for him to have a seat on the couch. He took a seat and Alex grudgingly joined him._

"_You know, Lexi, I don't get why you're making such a big deal about the ravine girls. I mean, you weren't exactly 100 together when we were going out."_

_Alex looked up at Jay in shock but said nothing._

"_I'm not stupid; I know you had someone else on the side. Was it old Seany boy?"_

"_No, Jay, it wasn't Sean. I never had anyone on the side. I didn't cheat."_

"_You wanted to, I could tell."_

"_Yeah, well you would know that cheating feeling."_

"_Just tell me who it was that you liked all that time."_

"_Why, so you can go be all bad ass and jump them? Its ancient history, Jay, things will never happen there, because if they could have happened, I would have never went out with you in the first place."_

"_Lexi, just tell me who it is."_

"_It was Paige, Jay, my best friend; or ex-best friend. She freaked out on me when I told her and you know we don't talk now."_

_He nodded in understanding. "You and high maintenance queen bitch, eh? Wow, so not only did you want to get with a girl, but you had to pick their queen!"_

_She punched him in the arm. "I just said she won't talk to me. We haven't talked since grade nine."_

"_So that's why you went out with me, because your little girlfriend told you no? So I was just… your cover?" He tried to sound hurt, but his smirk gave him away._

"_You're such an asshole. Remind me why I agreed to be friends with you again?"_

* * *

Jay had zoned out, remembering when Alex had admitted to him that the entire time they were going out she had always lusted after Paige. He shook his head, and held back a laugh. He wasn't sure what he thought was funnier- the fact that Alex liked Paige or the fact that he never in a million years would have pegged Alex as a lesbian. He looked at her and cleared his throat. 

"Yeah, you liked queen bee Paige," he said with an eye roll. "So what,"

"I still do," she said sighing.

"Yeah… and? Why don't you quit pussyfooting around go talk to her. You're still friends with Del Faggot, right? Go ask him for her number, call her up, and you tell her what you told me that day."

"I _did_ tell her!" She snapped at him. "JT is dead, okay, do you remember last night? Those Lakehurst idiots killed him and then I left?"

"Yeah, where the fuck were you? Do you have any idea…? I thought those guys… I drove around half the night looking for you."

"Well I ran to Marco's house. I needed someone to talk to, so I told them everything about the party and… I don't remember. I guess someone called Paige, and she showed up, because I woke up this morning to hear her screaming about how I'm in her bed or something."

Jay chuckled. "Yeah, and I bet you liked that. Not talking to her in ages and then waking up to have her in bed with you."

"Shut the fuck up… Anyway, no, I talked to her and I confronted her about the whole thing and then I just threw it out there, you know, I was like 'what was the big deal, did you like me or something?' and she flipped out on me so I was just like 'fuck it' and left."

"She likes you, Lexi," He nodded. "She wouldn't have thrown a little bitch fit if she didn't. She never would've stopped talking to you in the first place, too."

"Jay, you're-" she stopped and looked at him, her eyes wide. "For once, I think you might be right!"

"I know I am. Listen, I may have fucked you over in our relationship… and plenty of other chicks... but I know about this sort of stuff. You need to go back and talk to her. And hey, you know I still-"

She cut him off again. "I know you do, Jay, and I love you too, but not the way you love me. And I'm sorry for cutting you off, but I never want to hear you say that again, because I know you mean it differently."

"Let me guess," he smirked, "you only want to hear that from Paige."

"You need to go back to being wrong." She stood up and gave him a hug. "I'm gonna go, I've got people to talk to."

Alex was walking away from the ravine when her cell phone rang. It was Marco.

"Yeah," She said when she answered it.

"Alex, where are you? Can you come meet me up at the Dot?"

"Sure, I'll be there in five minutes."

"Great, I'll see you then. Bye," He hung up.

* * *

**A/N:** Well I'm starting school soon, so I dunno how often I can update now... but yeah, review and lemme know if I should continue this or not. 


	6. Heroine

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer: **So I still don't own Degrassi. I never will. Chapter Title Song is by From First To Last.

**A/N:** I'm so mad!!!!!! Last night I finally started writing this chapter and I got halfway done with it when my stupid computer died and didn't auto save the story! Now I gotta sit here and try and remember everything and then add to it. Anyways, sorry for my lack of updates, but volleyball practice consumed my life as soon as school started. Hopefully now I can go back to updating this regularly. Thanks to everyone for sticking through it with me!

* * *

**Chapter V: Heroine**

_October 20, 2007_

**The Dot**

_All this time Paige liked her and I never even knew. I had always wondered what if, but I never saw it coming. I just hope Alex won't be stubborn about it. That girl has so much pride, I know it's gonna be hard for her to go talk to Paige. Not to mention she might not want to believe me when I say that Paige likes her. I know she won't believe me; she's tired of putting herself out there and being hurt in relationships. And she definitely won't trust Paige…_

Marco's mind was a mess. He knew he had a lot of work to do if he was going to try and get Alex and Paige together. For Paige, she was finally coming to terms with liking Alex, but she had no idea Alex still liked her. As for Alex, she loved Paige but would forever see her as the girl who gave up on her. He certainly had his work cut out, but he was certain that as soon as he had a plan in motion, things would work out smoothly.

"Marco," Alex called out from the front of the diner.

Marco turned around and saw Alex in the doorway. His face fell. Her clothes were rumpled, which was expected considering she drunkenly crashed in his house last night, but the circles under her eyes and her glazed expression were fresh. It was obvious to him that she had been at the ravine drinking and probably smoking with Jay. He was her comfort in times like this. As much as Marco didn't want to admit it, he may have to swallow everything and go to Jay for help. Sighing, he raised a hand and wearily waved towards Alex.

She found him, and took a seat across from him. "Hi, what's going on?"

"Alex, you look…" he took his time to observe her. "Let me guess, you and Jay smoked a fatty and had a few beers?"

"A couple beers, no fatty," she smirked. "How did you know?"

"The smell… the glazed look in your eyes… What are you running away from, Paige? Why should she scare you?"

"She doesn't scare me, Marco. She hates me, I hate her."

"That's a lie and you know it. What's wrong with you, Alex? Paige likes you. Suck up all that pride and just go talk to her."

"You and Jay must be talking." She shook her head. "Maybe Paige does like me, it's not like it's going to matter. She's up there at Banting with people who don't come from the trailer park. She can find someone who won't hold her back."

"She needs you. She needs you now more than ever."

"What, she needs me just because some kid she was friends with died?" Alex paused and glared right back at the people glaring at her loud statement. "I'm not going to run to her right now just to be her shoulder to cry on. I'm not her tissue or something. She can't just use me to dry off her tears and then throw me aside after the funeral to run back to Banting."

"She won't do that to you. Yeah, she has to go back to school, but do you think she'll just forget about you?"

"She didn't have a problem doing that before."

"It's different this time, Alex. Why can't you see it?"

"You don't know, Marco! You don't get it! I'm not ever crawling to Paige Michalchuk. She's never going to get that satisfaction. I'd rather be miserable without her than crawl back to her to set myself up to be hurt again." Alex jumped up.

Marco, too, got up. "You won't be miserable with her. Stop trying to scare yourself out of being with her. Now listen, I have a plan and it's going to work, and you're going to be thanking me for it later."

"Whatever, I don't have time for this shit. Jay and the ravine are waiting for me. If Paige wants me, she can come have me."

Without waiting for Marco to try and convince her otherwise, Alex was gone. As soon as she exited the diner, she took off in a run in the direction she came from. Why was everyone so hell bent on her and Paige getting together? _I'm not worth it. I'm a broken home girl, she has the perfect life; she's perfect. Perfect girls don't fall for broken home girls. Perfect girls don't fall for girls at all._ Alex kept running, trying to clear her head. As much as she wanted to believe Jay and Marco, she couldn't bring herself to admit it. Paige had hurt her once already by choosing not to talk to her and they definitely hadn't had a good meeting that morning. There was no way Alex was going to swallow her words and come back to Paige, tail between her legs, apologizing and begging for her love. She just wasn't that sort of girl.

"Hey, hot stuff!" An unfamiliar voice called out to Alex. "Wanna earn a bracelet?"

Alex rolled her eyes in disgust, thinking about Jay. "Not even, but have you seen Jay around here?"

"Jay…Hogart! No… yeah… well, he… If you get in the van, I'll tell you."

She walked up the guy and suddenly, without warning, ran into him and had him pinned against the van. "Listen," she smiled sweetly. "I suggest you tell me where Jay is if you ever want to get any action in this van again."

"Alright, alright, he ain't here. You just missed him by a couple minutes. Now, what do you say about us going into that van?"

* * *

_October 20, 2007_

**The Del Rossi/Michalchuk/Nash Household**

The doorbell rang, and Paige's heart was suddenly in her throat. She hoped to God that it was Alex at the door so she could apologize and admit how right she was and how horrible she felt for putting Alex through so much hell. The doorbell rang again, and Paige suddenly realized she was still sitting on the edge of the bed where she had been sitting for the past hour since talking to Marco. The doorbell rang a third time. She assumed that Dylan had either left with Marco, or had fallen back asleep since, from experience, she knew Dylan could sleep through anything. She also figured that Ellie had left or just didn't feel like dealing with anyone.

The doorbell didn't need to ring a fourth time; Paige had already sped to the door. Her palms were sweaty and she was starting to shake. She knew what she had to say to Alex, she just didn't know how she would do it. She took a deep breath and opened the door. The person on the other side of the door certainly wasn't Alex, but it may as well have been. She didn't know whether she wanted to be disgusted or relieved at the visitor. The visitor was none other than Jay Hogart, and with him around, Alex was probably close behind.

"Jay Hogart… do you know my brother and his _boyfriend_ live here?" She said, adding emphasis to the word boyfriend.

"Paige Michalchuk… do you see them here answering the door to _their_ house?"

"What do you want, Jay?"

"I know this sounds crazy coming from me of all people, but I want to talk to you. And hey, don't give me that surprised look, I'm not gonna try anything. I know you're batting for the home team now and you wanna hit a home run with Alex."

She shuddered; how would he know that? "You're disgusting."

"That I may be, but I'm right."

"Go back to the ravine. Don't you have some slut in a van you can go fuck?"

"Don't you have a girl you want to be with who wants to be with you that you need to talk to?"

"She can come here and talk to me. You're her friend; if it bothers you so much, why don't you go tell her to talk to me."

"Why do you think I'm here in the first place? You think I didn't hear about you and Alex's little meeting this morning? Why did you go and bullshit her like that, huh? How hard is it to just tell a girl you like her and hit it?"

"First off, I have some manners. I'm not gonna just say, 'hey, Alex, I like you! Let's fuck!' Secondly, I can't go up to her and admit how wrong I was."

"You and Lexi are so much alike… It's disgusting. Both of you need to get it through your heads that it doesn't matter who was wrong or right. What happened in the past is the past. You have a beautiful girl in your grasp and you're gonna go and fuck it up for the second time because you're perfect and you can't be wrong? Lexi is too good for you. You should be thankful she's even giving you a shot after how you treated her in high school. If I were her-"

"Shut up!" She screamed and shoved him. "I get it, ok? I'm scum, I'm horrible. I treated Alex like shit and I need to talk to her. IT'S NOT THAT EASY FOR ME! I'll talk to her when I'm ready and not when everyone says I'm ready! Now get out!"

"Whoa, feisty," he smirked and backed up. "I'm going, I'm going. Just remember this- Lexi may not be perfect like you, she's far from it, but I know she's not gonna wait around forever for you. By the time you're ready to talk to her, it might be too late."

Paige slammed the door without even bothering to respond to Jay's comments. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right. If Alex was still the same way she was in grade nine when they last talked, she would still be as stubborn as ever. She flopped down on the couch and covered her face in her hands. Once again today, she had been reduced to tears. And once again, it was all her fault. _Jay's right; I need to get over myself and just talk to her, because I know she's still stubborn. I know she won't come off her high horse and talk to me. I know she wants me to come crying to her. I should call her…_

She leaned across the couch for the phone and picked it up. She reached towards the numbers but then stopped. It suddenly dawned on her that she didn't know Alex's number. How stupid of her, she doesn't talk to the girl in years and suddenly expects to know her number. She sighed in frustration and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. She felt completely helpless since she was going to call Alex and give in. But for some reason, it didn't feel like a defeat to her. She wasn't losing by calling Alex, she was going a girlfriend. Or so she hoped… _I have to go out there and find her. I don't know where to look, but I'll find her._ Paige jumped up and headed for the door- she was on a mission.

Unknown to Paige, Jay was still on the doorstep. He had been in the process of leaving when his cell phone went off. He hadn't recognized the number, but being at the ravine every day meant a lot of girls had his number. Answering it, he had expected someone begging him to come down to the ravine for a party, but the call he received instead was one he was completely unprepared for.

"Yeah, Jay Hogart here…" he answered the call.

"Jay Hogart, do you know a Miss Alexandria Nunez?" The voice on the other end was a female voice, but he didn't know who it was.

"Yeah, that's my…" he stopped. What was she to him now? "I know her. What about her?"

"Well, I hope you're calm or seated right now, because what I'm about to tell you may come as shock to you."

* * *

**A/N:** Oh snap! Cliffhanger! I'm back now and I hope this chapter made up for my serious lack in updates. I dunno though, I'm not too satisfied with this chapter, myself. I feel as if I could have done so much more with it. What did you guys think of Jay stepping in and speaking to Paige for Alex? At first I was going to leave it up to Marco or Ellie to talk to her, but then I figured it would be nice to see Jay do something like that. But yeah, leave comments and tell me if this new chapter was any good or if I should just give up on this story. 


	7. Camisado

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer:** Still broke. I still own nothing but the idea in my head. Panic! At The Disco owns the song for this chapter.

**A/N:** I've been slacking big time. I mean seriously, I wait until the very last day of my Christmas break to write some of this. What's wrong with me? Hah, well anyways, I hope I didn't keep you guys in suspense for too long. I promise this chapter will be good! Oh, and in this chapter, f-bombs are dropping faster than bombs are dropping in other parts of the world. Just to warn you guys.

* * *

**Chapter VI: Camisado**

_October 20, 2007_

**The Del Rossi/Michalchuk/Nash Household**

Jay sighed heavily and sat down on the front steps of the house. He didn't know who was calling him, or what she wanted, but he knew it was about Alex. The woman on the other end of the phone said he may be shocked, but it was Alex. She didn't know about their history. She didn't know that Alex could do anything and Jay wouldn't even flinch. Or so he thought.

"Alright, I'm sitting," he said smirking. "Now tell me whatever it is about Alex?"

"Well, I don't know how to say this, but she's in the hospital for the time being. However, as soon as the doctor's give us the okay we're taking her into police custody."

"What the hell, lady? You're telling me you're gonna arrest someone for being in the hospital?! What kinda shit is that?"

Angry, Jay started to jump up. However, that happened to be the exact same moment Paige decided to come running out of the house to look for Alex. She ran straight into him, and actually tripped over him. She flipped forward onto the grass and looked up at him. He was in an awkward half-standing position looking down at her.

"What the fuck, Hogart? Are you stalking me now? I thought you left!"

"The fuck's the matter with you? Are you fucking on crack or some shit?" Jay spat back at her.

"Excuse me?" The woman on the phone's voice was testy.

"Sorry, not you; that was… I was talking to my friend." Jay shot Paige a glare. "Anyway, what was this you were saying about Alex?"

"Who are you talking to?" Paige asked him. He silenced her.

"Your friend… we need to hold her for some questioning. Do you know a man named Andrew Flom?"

"Handy Andy," Jay said laughing. "Sure, that kid's a douche. What about him?"

"He's in the hospital too… the doctor's don't think he's going to make it. We know your friend Alex did this to him and that's why we need to talk to her. Any witness we tried to talk to couldn't give us any exact story on what was going on."

"Ok, let me get this straight- You wanna arrest Alex for beating up some kid who probably provoked her? Why the hell is she at the hospital, again?"

"There was a fight, from what we gathered. These witnesses just said there was a lot of yelling going on inside a van and Mr. Flom dragged her out of this van and she just started going at him."

"He had her in the fucking van? I swear if he touched her like that I'll fucking murder that kid myself. He deserves to be within an inch of his life…"

"So, you know what that van is about? Could you maybe come down here and answer a few questions for us?"

"Not without Alex, I won't. So I'll tell you what, I'll go down to the hospital and collect her, and then we'll pay you guys a visit at the station." He hung up without waiting for a response and then looked at Paige. "Your girlfriend is in the hospital; want to come with me to pay her a visit?"

Paige nodded, suddenly feeling numb. "What… what happened? She got into a fight? That is so like her… but what was that whole thing about the van?"

"I'll explain it to you later. I dunno if it's true or not yet."

* * *

_October 20, 2007_

**Toronto General Hospital**

Paige sat in the front seat of Jay's orange Honda staring straight out the window. This was probably the first time she had ever been somewhere alone with him without him having a comment or trying anything, but her mind was too preoccupied to even notice. She felt so numb. Alex was in the hospital. _What if she dies? No, I can't think like that… But what if it happens? I never got to tell her how I feel. Ok, I gotta stop being so chicken shit and just tell her. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go right into her room and tell her everything. _She jumped about a foot when Jay's cold hand touched her arm.

"Hey," he said in a tone much softer than his usual one. "Are you alright? We can get out the car and go in there any time you want…"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Her tone definitely didn't have her convinced. "Let's just go in there and see her." She started to open her door when Jay spoke again.

"Don't say anything to Alex, you hear me? She definitely has other things on her mind and she won't want to hear anything from you. I know she won't. You say something now and you're sealing your fate."

She looked at him, speechless. How did he know what she was going to do? "You're so full of shit, Jay. What if she dies? It doesn't matter to you, she knows you love her. What about me, huh? I'll never get to tell her. She could be dead right now and she probably hates me!"

"Don't be so fucking selfish, Paige. You wanna know why you and Lexi are having this fight now and why it even started? It's all because your number one concern is yourself. It's always about you. It's never about Lexi or anyone else for that matter. Get the fuck over yourself. You wanna know about that van? I'll tell you about that van. People go in there to have sex. Alex was in that van with a boy and look where she is now. If he did anything to her, I swear to god… You just need to shut up and think about Alex. If you were her right now… If you ever had something like that happen to you I doubt you would want someone running to you crying about how stupid they were and how much they love you."

Paige was quiet. At first, she kept thinking Jay was full of shit. She definitely wasn't only into herself. She was pretty into Alex, if she said so herself. But then the mention of the van and what happened there made her start thinking that maybe Jay had a point. As much as she didn't want to think about it, her thoughts went to Dean and her rape. Spinner had been the last person she wanted to talk to. She didn't want to talk to him or her family or anyone who was going to tell her how great she was and how much they liked her. Jay was right; Alex wouldn't want to hear her. She probably wouldn't even want to see her.

"I'll just stay in the car then." She said quietly. "Alex probably won't even want to look at me.

"Come on, you're being selfish again." Jay's expression softened. He did feel a little bad for yelling at her, but something had to be said.

"No, you're completely right. Alex wouldn't want to hear me, and I know she won't want to see me."

"Yes she will. All you're doing right now is worrying about you. You're scared she's gonna yell at you. Maybe she will yell at you… maybe you deserve it. Either way though, I know she'll be happy you came to see her. She might not show it on the outside, but it'll mean something to her."

Jay got out of the car and shut his door. He walked around to the other side of the car and held the door open, waiting for Paige to get out. She took her time getting out of the car and the two walked into the hospital with an uncomfortable silence between them. Jay got two visitor passes from the front desk and they got on the elevator, the silence still hanging there. Jay got to Alex's room and stopped outside the door. He looked at Paige and nodded for her to go inside. She looked back at him questioningly and shook her head.

"You know her better than I do. I can wait. Besides, I need some time to think."

"Good for you, you're so selfless." Jay smirked and walked inside the room.

He looked at Alex and couldn't help but smile. Her face may have been scratched up, and there was a bandage just above her left eye but she still looked ready to kick someone's ass. She looked up at him, trying to maintain her tough look, and couldn't help but smirking at him. He walked over to the right side of her bed and rested his hands on the railing along the side. She raised her hand and rested it on top of his, and he noticed another bandage wrapped around her arm.

"Lexi," his voice grew full of concern. "How are you? Do I gotta go down the hallway and murder someone for you?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine, Jay, really. Don't look at me like that! Nothing happened. He tried something and I kicked his ass."

"So if you kicked his ass, what's all that for?" He nodded towards the bandages.

"A fight is a fight." She shrugged. "He thought he would be tough and slam my head against the van so I came right back at him. Can we get out of here? You know I hate hospitals."

Jay looked at her, still not convinced. "You promise me you're fine? And he didn't do anything to you at all?"

"Other than slam my head into a wall and give me a few scratches?" She grinned and then frowned when she saw how serious Jay's expression was. "Jay, you're my best friend. Of all people you know I would tell you if something had happened. He pulled me into the van and tried to make a move on me so I set him straight."

"Alex, you almost killed him. You don't almost kill a guy for standing too close to you. You don't almost kill a guy for kissing you or trying to pressure you into something. If you did that, I'd be a dead man right now." He smirked at her.

"He said he would kill me if I didn't go down on him-"

"Where is he? I'll kill him."

"Calm down, nothing happened. I mean, he threatened to kill me if I didn't do it, so I figured I could probably kill him before he would kill me. Relax, Jay. I promise you, if anything had happened, I would have told you. Now can we leave?"

"Not just yet. And we can't completely leave anyway. We gotta go see the police. Or I should say you gotta go see them. They wanna talk to you about what happened." He saw her eyes widen and he squeezed her hand. "It's gonna be fine, they don't got shit on you. If anything, it's self-defense. Hey though, someone else came to see you too. I'll give you guys some time." He smiled at her and left the room.

As soon as Paige saw Jay she ran up to him. "So what happened? Did anything happen? Is she alright? I called Marco; he's on his way up here to see her. Can I go see her?"

Jay sighed and then laughed. "You never shut up. Lexi's fine, she's perfect. Nothing happened to her at all. Go right in there and be selfish Paige. You tell her everything you're feeling. I know her better than anything and I know that's what she needs to hear."

"But earlier you said-"

"That was earlier; this is now. Just go in there."

Jay gave her a shove forward. She glared at him, but was secretly thankful, because there was no way she would have had the courage to go inside. _Jay Hogart is an asshole._ She told herself. _But he really steps it up when he needs to. Okay, Paige, don't go in there being your usual self. Just tell Alex how you were wrong all those years ago and how much you liked her… No, how much you like her now… Tell her how you feel, but don't talk too much._ Paige fixed her hair and adjusted her shirt and then turned around, giving Jay a 'how-do-I-look?' sort of look. He just rolled his eyes and fanned his hand towards the door. She carefully stepped inside the room and knocked on the wall, as if Alex didn't already see that she was there.

Paige's slightly red from crying eyes locked with Alex's bored looking ones and the two girls stared at each other. Paige took a few more steps forward, just waiting for a hail of insults to come flying at her. Alex may have been lying in a hospital bed all bandaged up, but she certainly didn't look too sick to still beat Paige's ass. Alex looked at Paige carefully. After the fiasco this morning, she wasn't looking to make any more waves. If anything, she just wanted Paige to sit on the bed, hold her and tell her that everything would be alright.

_Damnit, Jay, you were right about everything_. Alex thought to herself. She knew all along that Jay was right with what he was saying. Paige _did_ like her. Hell, she might even love her. _I need to calm down. I'm _not_ gonna get arrested, and I _can't_ take my stress out on Paige._ She looked away from Paige, and then looked back at her, smiling slightly.

"Long time, no talk," Alex said, smirking.

"Yeah… listen, hon, we need to talk; really talk. I have to say something and I wanna just come out and say it, no interruptions."

"Yeah, we went through this earlier and if I remember right, you cried."

Paige frowned and Alex mentally kicked herself for snapping at her.

"Right," Paige struggled to compose herself. "This time is gonna be different because what I'm saying is completely different…" Her confidence was starting to falter.

"Well?" Alex looked at her expectantly.

Paige took a deep breath and finally approached Alex's bedside. She placed her hands on the railing, almost in the same spot as Jay. Now that she was standing so close, she could really take a good look at Alex. It made her upset to see how fragile and scared Alex looked lying in a hospital bed with bandages covering her. The only thing Paige wanted to do was to lean over and kiss her to make everything better, sort of like in a fairy tale. However, she knew this wasn't a fairy tale, and she had the growing feeling inside of her that they weren't going to have a happy ending. She took another breath.

"Alex," she started. "What I'm trying to tell you is… I was… maybe I was a little…" She stopped talking. She was rambling too much and she knew it. Why couldn't she just have some balls and say what she wanted to say.

"What is it already? Your suspense is gonna kill me faster than these cuts." Alex said in a half joking tone."

"I was so mean to you freshman year." Paige blurted out. She wanted to kick herself. This wasn't where she was trying to go. "I didn't mean to. I never should have. We were like this!" She crossed her fingers for emphasis. "I never should have thrown it away."

"You wanted to apologize for something that happened when we were 14? Paige, we're almost 20, come on now…"

"I'm sorry for everything. No! Well yeah, I am, but no that's not why I came here. Remember earlier when you asked me why it was such a big deal that you liked me if I never… you know? Yeah, well about that…" She was sweating. "You were absolutely-"

Before Paige could finish her confession, the door to Alex's room flew open, hitting the wall. Both girls looked up and Paige jumped nearly a foot away from Alex's bed.

* * *

**A/N:** Aw man, am I killing you guys with these cliffhangers or what? Hah, but I actually know what I want to happen next after this so the next chapter might come sooner then they have been lately. As always, comments are golden! Is there anything you wanna see happen? Shoot me suggestions. I may not use them, but I'll definitely consider them! 


	8. Lexington

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer:** Hah. As if I could afford to own Degrassi. The song title of this chapter belongs to Chiodos.

**A/N:** I have to apologize. It has been way too long, and I don't really have a legit excuse for why I haven't updated this. I mean, I could blame it on trying to balance school, track practice and the school musical, but I won't. I was just lazy and uninspired. I had to sit here just now and read this entire story to remember where I was even going with it. Hopefully this chapter will make up for the long absence. But if it sucks, tell me about it! I want this story to be enjoyable for you guys.

* * *

**Chapter VII: Lexington**

_October 20, 2007_

**Toronto General Hospital**

_Man, you gotta love nurses. Those asses bouncing down the hallway in those tight white pants… Maybe I can get one of them to give me a quick cure for this boner I'm popping. Hey, Lexi and Paige can't be the only ones getting some action today._ Jay smiled, slightly at his perverted thoughts, but more so at the latest nurse who just walked past him. He couldn't stand all of this. After he had sent Paige into Alex's room, he was more then confident that they had kissed and made up in more ways then one. As much as he was tempted to look in on some girl-on-girl action, he had to give Alex the space she needed. Alex had been pining for Paige for close to five years, and he knew that this moment was one of those sappy, cheesy Lifetime movie reunion moments. He didn't need the sap factor, he just wanted to watch the smut, and, knowing Alex, he would have plenty of opportunities to see just that.

_Hogart, you've really outdone yourself this time. Pretty soon you're gonna have to turn in those horns and that tail for a halo and wings._ He smirked, imagining himself playing the good guy. The more he thought about it, the more he couldn't see it_. Lexi owes me big time for this one. Maybe one day she can convince Blondie to consider a threesome…_ Jay Hogart may do a good deed to help his friends out when they really needed it, but he definitely wasn't an angel. If anything, he probably had the halo hanging from his horns.

"Jay," An excited voice called out to him.

"Huh, what," He looked around, confused. His face fell- it was only Marco.

"I got Paige's phone call. Where's Alex? Is she doing ok? Is Paige ok? Where are they at? I gotta go talk to them; I can totally hook them up!"

Jay resisted rolling his eyes. "Alex is fine. Paige is fine. They're in Alex's room talking. You don't need to hook them up, I already got that co-" He stopped. "Hey, Del Faggot! Don't go in there, they need to… Fuck!" He swore and shot an angry glance at the door. Leave it to Marco to totally go and screw up a Hallmark moment by being too nosy.

As soon as Jay said they were in the room talking, Marco was flying towards to the door. He was already excited for a reunion of the three amigos. He heard Jay swearing, but didn't really think anything of it. He threw open the door to Alex's room. Paige seemed to jump away from Alex in the same way that a little kid would jump away from the cookie jar. She seemed embarrassed and scared. An uneasy silence filled the room. Although he wasn't looking at Alex, he could just feel her piercing glare burning into him. Something told him that they weren't quite done talking. He began to slowly back out of the room.

"Marco, I'm so glad you got my call!" Paige practically ran over to him.

"Yeah, I did," he gave her a weird look and walked towards Alex, pushing her along with him. "Alex, are you ok?"

"I was doing fine until you just barged in here. Why couldn't you wait outside with Jay?" She was sounding extra irritated.

"Oh," Marco's face fell. "If I was interrupting something, let me just go."

"No," Paige was quick with her response. "In fact, I was just getting ready to leave. You can stay and catch up with her. It was um… I'm happy to know you're ok Alex. I… I… I gotta go." She practically ran from the room.

Alex let out a frustrated sigh and flopped back down on her pillows. She continued to glare at Marco. _She likes me! She was so close to telling me. She was gonna say that she loved me… I could feel it. No, stop getting ahead of yourself; Paige was going to tell you that you were absolutely wrong. That she's from the right side of the tracks. That she only likes stupid boys like Spinner. Someone like her could never like someone like you. Jay and Marco and everyone else are full of shit. It's been five years; I'm the only one who can't move on._ Alex shook her head, but her thoughts kept racing.

_They aren't full of shit, they're absolutely right. Snap out of it, you idiot! Paige Michalchuk loves you and you love her. You want that girl? You need to go after her. How can you let her keep walking out of your life like that? She won't suck up her pride, so you need to suck up yours. Who cares if you were wrong or if she was wrong? You're both gonna be wrong unless someone steps it up and says something!_

"Hello, earth to Alex." Marco was waving a hand in front of her face.

"Marco, go get Paige for me. We weren't done talking. In fact, we never even started." She looked determined.

"You don't have to ask me twice." He smiled at her and left the room to go get Paige.

"So, Michalchuk, how did things go in there with Alex?" Jay gave her a knowing smirk.

"Things didn't go anywhere, Marco came charging in there. What the hell, Jay? You knew we had to talk, why would you do something so stupid as to just let him go in there?" Paige's temper started to rise.

"Easy, Blondie, I tried to stop him. Hey, don't give me that look! You're so pissy about it, why didn't you just tell him to back off?"

Paige faltered. She was caught right there. What was she supposed to say? Was she supposed to confess to Jay of all people that she got too scared to admit her feelings at the last minute? She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I thought." Jay shook his head. "You know, you were the one with all that talk about how you were gonna get off your high horse and tell her. I knew you didn't have it in you. You're full of shit, you know that?"

"Fuck you." She glared at him.

"So, if Marco hadn't come in there, what would you have done then? What, would you have pretended your phone went off so you could leave? Is that what you're always gonna do when you get scared? Huh, are you always just gonna leave Alex hanging there like one of your lackeys? Do you think she's always just gonna hang on waiting for you? You know how I said she deserves better than you and she won't always wait around? Yeah, well, you really proved my point just now. I'm gonna go in there and make Marco leave so I can stay with her. That's what you do for someone you love; you stay there with them no matter what. You don't back away like a coward."

Jay headed towards the door, but only after giving Paige what she was pretty sure was the nastiest look someone had ever given her. Part of her just wanted to run up behind him and tackle him, but she knew she wasn't strong enough. The other part of her just wanted to break down and cry. _It's now or never, Paige._ She told herself. _If you don't gather up the courage to tell her now, just forget about it. I don't deserve her if I'm going to act like this. I'm gonna lose her anyway; Jay will make sure of that._

Paige blinked and looked a little confused. Jay was standing in front of her, but this time Marco was with him. _That's weird,_ she thought. _I thought big bad Jay was kicking Marco out to stay by Alex's bedside…_

"Paige," Marco smiled at her. "Alex wants to talk to you."

"Me? Are you sure?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Of course I'm sure. I heard you guys weren't done talking. Sorry about barging in like that."

"Oh, Marco, don't worry about that, it wasn't anything-" She stopped, feeling Jay glaring at her. "Ok, so it was important. I'm gonna go in there and… I'm gonna… I'm gonna talk to Alex and… I'm gonna tell her what I should have said a long time ago. I can do this."

"You can do it!" Marco echoed her.

Jay, who had been quiet the entire time, put his arm around Paige's shoulder, which was slightly awkward for both of them, and walked her to the door, stopping just a little bit before it. He turned to look at her.

"What is it, Jay?" She said, her patience running thin.

"You know what. You better go in there and tell Alex what you've been saying to me and Marco."

"I will, I can do this."

"Sure, you can do it. I mean, _anyone_ can say that they love someone. It's not a question of if you _can_ do it; it's a question of if you _want_ to."

"I do want to… so badly." She sighed heavily.

"Will you?"

She didn't answer him at first. She didn't trust herself to speak. Finally, she found her voice. "I will. The next time I come out of that room, I'll have a girlfriend."

"Well you'll be in there for a while then."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well first of all, I don't think you can do this. You keep backing out. And even if you do finally get the balls, it's Alex. Do you think she's just going to be all happy and cheerful and just say that she loves you, too? You already know she's going to ask you way too many questions about why you never said anything."

"I… I know she will… and I have answers for her."

"Do you really?" He looked at her coldly.

"Yeah, I really do."

"Why did you walk away?"

"I was scared!"

"Why?"

"I don't know!"

Jay rolled his eyes. "No surprise there. She isn't gonna like that, so you better hope she's too ecstatic to notice your lack of decent answers."

"I have good answers, Jay; they just aren't any of your business. Now, if you wouldn't mind…"

Without waiting for a response from him, she shoved his arm off of her shoulders. He stumbled backwards a little, but he backed away. She took a deep breath. _Come on, Paige, you can do this. Suck it up and go in there._ Her adrenaline must have kicked in, because what she did next surprised not only her, but Alex as well.

Paige strode through the doorway and all the way over to Alex's bed. She reached out her arms, but instead of grabbing the bedside railing, she grabbed Alex's face. Alex's expression was hard to read. Paige really didn't know what Alex was thinking, so she decided to just go for it before she lost the nerve. She leaned in to close the gap between them and her lips met Alex's. A rush of emotions flooded through Paige and in that moment, she knew. This was exactly what she had always wanted. Why she had tried to push this feeling away for song long was a mystery to her.

"_Do you think she's just going to be all happy and cheerful and just say that she loves you, too? You already know she's going to ask you way too many questions about why you never said anything."_ Jay's words rang through her head. _"She isn't gonna like that, so you better hope she's too ecstatic to notice your lack of decent answers."_

_I'm not going to need answers,_ she said to Jay's voice in her head. _This is what feels right. I don't need to explain myself. She just knows._

Everything had finally dawned on Alex. She had only told Marco to tell Paige to come talk to her; she wasn't expecting any of this. She smiled into the kiss and brought her own hands up to her face, linking her fingers with Paige's. This whole thing still felt so surreal to her.

_Maybe I'm dreaming. I mean, I could be lying on this hospital bed hopped up on some pretty strong drugs. I know Paige. She's not the type of girl to do something this spontaneous. But damn, this feels too good for a dream. I can't be dreaming, this is just… it's all too much. I never realized how much I loved her. And I sure as hell didn't think she would love me… not like this._

Alex slowly pulled out of the kiss, but still kept their hands linked. She looked up at Paige and smiled. When she saw Paige's expression, her smile faded. When she looked at Paige, she saw nothing but sadness. The girl's blue-green eyes were already welling up with tears and she was biting her bottom lip, something she had always done when she was nervous. Alex gave her hand a light squeeze. Paige pulled her hands away and rested them on the railing. Alex flopped against her pillows, feeling defeated.

"Alex, I came in here to talk to you." Paige started, feeling more nervous by the second.

"What is there to talk about? I think that said enough."

"No. That didn't say anything."

"Actions speak louder than words, you know."

"Yeah, well, maybe my actions and my words are going in opposite directions."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Paige took a breath. "Ok, you know why I came back in here. We needed to talk. I… I gotta tell you something."

"Paige, you don't have to say anything. I know what you're going to tell me. Come on, that showed me everything."

"No; it didn't."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"Nothing, nothing at all… Alex, I know you've been dying to hear this for years, so I'll just come out and say it." She took another breath. "I love you."

Alex just started at her. She wanted to believe Paige, she really did, but she had her doubts. Paige had just been crying about her actions and words being different, and then she turns around and tells Alex that she loved her. It didn't really make any sense to her.

"I love you, too. You know I mean it, but did you mean it?"

"I… of course I did."

"Right, of course you did." Alex looked skeptical.

"What?" Paige was quick to catch on to her doubts.

"It's nothing, Paige. It's just like you said- nothing at all."

"No, what's bothering you now? Come on, we both said what we were too proud to admit before. Why do you always have to be so difficult?"

"Because I know you have more to say. I know you meant that you loved me, but something else is bothering you. What is it?"

A tear rolled down Paige's cheek. There were going to be more where that came from. "Alex," she sounded defeated. "I love you, but I don't think I can do this."

* * *

  
**A/N:** Thanks to all you lovely readers and reviewers out there for waiting so long!! Like I said, don't be afraid to tell me if this sucked. I'm hoping that this is a good chapter and makes up for the big huge gap of no story. But if you don't like it and you're mad that I came back and put this out, let me know. I won't get mad if you would have rather waited longer for something better than this. But if you have a positive review! Lol you know I won't say no to that :


	9. Run

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer:** My birthday is coming up… someone should buy the rights to Degrassi for me. Hmm… or maybe not… I haven't actually watched the show in a while. Anyway, this chapter's title is a song by Snow Patrol.

**A/N:** Oh yeahhhh, I'm back to frequently updating this story! Hopefully… well, anyways, I'm a little disappointed. As of the time I started writing this chapter, I have over 8,000 hits on my story, and about 200 for the last chapter. Yet I only got 3 reviews for the last chapter. That's just a little disappointing for me, because I know you guys are reading this story, and plenty of people are adding it to their favorites… It's great that you guys like it, but would it kill you to review it? More reviews might just inspire me to update quicker! Oh, and just a heads up- this chapter isn't about Paige and Alex's conversation. Originally, it was going to be there, but then the chapter would have been too long, so I saved their conversation for next chapter. So review and you'll get it faster!

* * *

**Chapter VIII: Run**

_October 20, 2007_

**Toronto General Hospital**

Marco and Jay were sitting outside of Alex's hospital room in silence. Jay would clear his throat every now and then, and Marco would shoot a nervous glance at the closed door. Marco jumped up and started pacing back and forth. Jay smirked and tried to suppress a laugh. He could feel Marco's eyes on him, and he laughed. He couldn't help himself; he just found it too hilarious that Marco was expecting them to just waltz outside all happy in less than five minutes.

"What's so funny?" The exasperation in Marco's voice was obvious.

"You," Jay smirked. "You know how stubborn they both are. They're prolly both in that room in some weird moody silence waiting for the other to come out and say something. Alex isn't gonna say shit, she's gonna wait for Paige. And you know she's too chicken shit-"

"Ok, Jay, I get you. Why do you always have to go after Paige like she's the villain?"

"Because she is, what part of that don't you see? Alex has always been a wreck… _always_. When we were dating, she would always go all weird and quiet when Paige was around or when someone would bring her up. I didn't think shit of it at the time, but it must have been killing Lexi on the inside. Especially after that one time at the movies… jeez, Lexi was so out of it for about a week. I didn't think I would ever get any action after that."

"What one time at the movies? What are you talking about?" Marco tried hard to look dumb, even though he already had a feeling he knew what Jay was taking about.

* * *

_The movie theater was packed, which wasn't really a surprise for a Friday night. There were plenty of dating couples and groups of friends cluttering up the lines for tickets and snacks. The boy at the ticket counter, who was in grade twelve, rolled his eyes at some of the younger kids from his school that were in the line. He took notice of a boy on the freshman soccer team and made a face. That kid was loud, obnoxious, smelled bad and thought he was the shit all because his girlfriend was captain of the freshman spirit squad. The ticket counter boy rolled his eyes and his attention shifted to a boy in a Toronto Maple Leafs cap and his girlfriend. The wearer was none other than Jay Hogart- the boy who lived two doors down from him in one of the shadier parts of Toronto and always knew where to get the best weed. He was surprised that Jay was actually going to pay to get into a movie, but he wasn't surprised by the fact that the dark haired girl on his arm wasn't the same girl he had just been sitting on his porch with the other day._

_Pretty soon, obnoxious soccer star and his crew were at the front of the line. In his usual overly loud voice, obnoxious soccer star asked and paid for the tickets before making a big deal about wanting snacks. Jay and his latest girlfriend came up a few minutes later. There was an exchange of words between Jay and the boy behind the counter. It was a subtle exchange, two movie tickets for a small plastic bag. No one had really even noticed what happened, not even Jay's clueless girlfriend._

_Alex mumbled something about being hungry and Jay led her towards the snack line. Suddenly, Alex stopped moving and had a look of disgust and fear on her face. Up at the snack counter were none other than Paige and Spinner. They were busy trying to devour each others' face while some of their other friends bought the food. Jay looked at Alex and raised his eyebrow. He knew that Paige and Alex were friends… or maybe they were former friends. He didn't really remember, but he noticed how disturbed Alex looked by it. He cleared his throat loudly._

"_I thought we were going to see a horror movie, not a porno in the lobby. But then again, I suppose this is horrifying enough." Jay smirked._

_Paige and Spinner broke apart quickly. Paige's face was quickly turning red. Spinner put a protective arm around her and looked towards the speaker of that last comment. Paige looked up as well and saw Alex. Her expression softened for about a millisecond before it turned into a cold glare. Alex couldn't bring herself to look at Paige. She stared at the ground and clung to Jay tighter._

"_Maybe you shouldn't be looking," Spinner retorted. It was a dumb comment, but he tried to puff out his chest and look tough. "Besides, I enjoyed it."_

"_I'm sure you're just jealous that you guys don't have these types of make out sessions. Maybe you don't have them because… I don't know, she might be a lesbian." Paige made sure she looked Alex dead in the eye when she said this._

"_Jay," Alex's voice was barely above a whisper. "Just take me home."_

* * *

"Oh, yeah, I heard all about Paige outing Alex at the movie theater that day… from both of them, as a matter of fact." Marco walked over to a chair and sat back down.

"Yeah, but, no one even thought anything of it. I know I didn't. I just thought it was weird of Alex to get so bothered by something someone said…" His voice trailed off. Jay suddenly realized how clueless he had been.

Marco seemed to notice the realization dawning on Jay. "Well, someone was quick and alert even back then."

"So you said you heard about the incident from both of them, huh?" Jay said, trying to change the subject off of himself.

* * *

_The phone rang inside the Del Rossi house. Marco was helping his mom wash and put away the dishes. Papa Del Rossi got up from the table, coffee cup still in hand, and answered the phone._

"_Hello," He said in a cheerful tone. "Why yes, yes of course! Hold on a moment." He looked over at Marco. "Marco my son, it's for you. It's a girl." He gave his son a knowing wink and went back to the table._

"_Hello," Marco took on the same cheerful tone as his dad. He figured it had to be Paige or Alex calling, since those were the only girls that would ever call him._

"_Marco, I don't know what to do!" It was Alex on the other end, although she was barely audible through the tears._

"_You don't know what to do about what? Talk to me, I'm listening." He headed for the couch and took a seat. This was going to take a while._

"_I… I… me and Jay…" She let out a giant sob. "S-s-sorry, so like I was saying, Jay took me to go see a movie, right? Well, we went to get some popcorn, and guess whose sucking face in the snack line?"_

"_Oh, they weren't!" He was very sympathetic. "It's gonna be ok. Alex, the movie started at seven, and its seven thirty right now; why don't you go back inside the theater and watch the movie with Jay?"_

"_I made Jay take me home, Marco. Paige called me a lesbian in front of everyone."_

"_No," Marco threw his hand up to his cheek in a dramatic fashion. His dad walked past him on the couch and gave him a weird look. "She just walked up to you and said it?"_

"_No, see, when I saw them I just froze up. So Jay I guess looked to where I was looking, and he goes and makes some dumb ass comment about them, and then Spinner goes and says something back that's even dumber and then Paige…" Alex sobbed again. "She looks right me and she says, 'Maybe you guys could have these hot make out sessions too if your girlfriend wasn't a lesbian!' Marco, I hate her."_

"_Oh, Alex," he sighed. "It's going to be ok, I promise. What did Jay say after that?"_

"_Nothing, I made him take me home. He kept asking me if I was ok and everything. Marco, don't make that face. Jay really is a nice guy."_

_Marco smiled slightly. Alex knew him too well and knew he had made a face when she mentioned how nice Jay was being. "Yeah, he is to you…"_

_Marco and Alex continued talking for about another hour and a half before Marco's phone started to beep._

"_Alex, hold on a sec, yeah? My other line is beeping." He switched over the phone. "Hello, Del Rossi residence,"_

"_Marco?" It was Paige. "Marco, I screwed up so badly… I can't believe I said that to her. It just kinda came out!"  
"Can you hold on a second, thanks," Marco quickly switched the line over before Paige could protest. "Alex?"_

"_Yeah, I'm still here."_

"_I'm really sorry, but I gotta go. It's one of papa's friends on the other line. Call me tomorrow, we'll finish talking."_

"_Ok, I'll talk to you later. Thanks for everything."_

"_Anytime… bye…" Her line went dead, and he switched it back over. "Paige?"_

"_Marco, I called Alex a lesbian! I didn't even mean to, it just sort of slipped out. The look she had on her face… it killed me. Now I know things between us will never get fixed. That was my best friend and now she's gone forever."_

_Marco sighed heavily. As much as he loved Paige, he hated how she always tried to make herself the victim. "Paige, you're the one who wanted to stop being her friend in the first place. Alex probably doesn't want to talk to you anymore, so just respect her wishes and move on." He winced at the harshness in his voice. "I'm sorry…"_

"_No, don't apologize," he heard Paige sigh. "That's probably what I needed to hear. You know what, I don't care about Alex. So what if she likes me, she's no Spinner. If she never wants to talk to me again, I'll be happy to oblige."_

* * *

Jay smirked. "So, Paige has always made herself out to be the victim?"

Marco laughed a little. "Yeah, I suppose she has. Come on though, she's not that bad. She kinda grows on you."

"She grows on you? Yeah, ok; you don't get how bad Lexi is. When I talked to her earlier at the ravine…" His voice cracked a little and he looked down.

"I know, I know," Marco sighed for what was probably the five hundredth time that day. "When I talked to her she was just so different. It's like Paige steps back into her life and the Alex I knew just died."

Jay nodded. "It's like freshman year all over again with Alex throwing on the tough exterior while she's really hurting, and Paige thinking she can say what everyone wants to hear and save the day."

"Paige is hurting, too, and you know it." Marco came to his friend's defense.

"Paige isn't hurting," Jay said firmly. "Alex is hurting. Paige is just…" He thought of some words. "Paige is just coming to terms with something she always knew, and apparently she's fine with it. And, Paige being Paige, she just thinks Alex will be fine with it, too."

"I guess I see what you're saying. Yeah… that's pretty much Paige in a nutshell. If its ok by her, it's gonna be ok by you."

They shared a laugh and sat there in a comfortable silence, wondering what was going on behind the closed door.

* * *

**A/N:** Ok, I won't even lie- I'm not impressed with this chapter. But only because like I said, I had to split it in half because it would have been way too long. But it was nice to see Marco and Jay talking, no? Well, review away! Tell me if you hated this chapter or not. Remember, the more reviews I get, the faster you guys get a real decent chapter with Alex and Paige talking and not insulting/calling each other out! Oh, and I was thinking... You know how I have the flashbacks in the story? What if I ended up writing a prequel to this story that was all about them during their freshman year and how Alex and Paige went through it without talking to each other? Let me know what you think!


	10. Disenchanted

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi, but even if I could, I would probably only own like the first 5 seasons… Maybe it's just me, but after JT died in season 6, the show has been sucking and I barely watch it. Anyways, this chapter's song is by My Chemical Romance.

**A/N:** Thanks for reviewing, everyone! Remember, the more reviews, the sooner I'll update. So, there's gonna be a flashback in this chapter. For the sake of the story, let's say that Sean was in their ninth grade class. I mean, I remember them saying on the show how he was supposed to be in their grade (way back in season one), but I don't remember why he got held back or what grade he got held back in. Also, this chapter might be a little more emotionally charged then the other ones mostly because I just had the worst fight with my so-called friends, and when I stress out, I write. So this is either gonna be super emotional or super sucky. Hopefully it's going to be the first one! Or who knows, it may end up just being completely empty of any emotion. I don't know, but I have a good feeling about this chapter!

* * *

**Chapter IX: Disenchanted**

_October 20, 2007_

**Toronto General Hospital**

"_Alex," she sounded defeated. "I love you, but I don't think I can do this."_

Alex looked at Paige and saw the tears now falling freely from her eyes. She just had to look away. Even though Paige had once again hurt her, it was killing her to watch the girl cry. Alex let out a long sigh. Paige was still beautiful, even with the mascara mixing with the tears and leaving dark trails down her cheeks. Alex couldn't explain it, but she wanted to kiss Paige again. She just wanted to hold her and give her the comfort she deserved. She then frowned, feeling confused. She couldn't quite figure out how although Paige was constantly hurting her, she would always be ready to catch her if she were to fall. Finally, Alex found her voice.

"You can't do what?" She asked in a weak tone.

"This… _us_," Paige tried to speak carefully, buy the word 'us' came out of her mouth sounding like some sort of disease.

"What do you mean _us_? Why are you saying it like that? Paige, liking a girl isn't some sort of disease. With your brother, I thought you would understand that the most."

Alex flinched at the ice in her tone. She was extremely bitter, but she was trying not to show it. Paige looked down at the ground, feeling ashamed. She sniffled loudly and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes. Had this been any other occasion, she would have wiped the tears away with grace, trying to clean off the mascara, but this time she didn't care. Alex had seen her at her best and her worst, and Paige knew that what she looked like now wouldn't make a difference.

Alex noticed how Paige tried to wipe away her tears. Paige wasn't trying to be the beauty queen, she was just being real. _God damn this girl, _her thoughts were wandering. _She hurts me and is going to walk away again, and yet she's the one crying. Why the hell does she always have to look so beautiful even when she looks like complete crap? Come on, you idiot! Do something nice for her. Make her want to make this work._ Alex sat up in the bed a little more and grabbed Paige's free hand. She linked their fingers together and looked up at her.

"Alex," there was some warning in Paige's tone. "Stop that."

"No," she tightened her grip. "If you got to go what you always should have done, then I'm going to do what I always should have done."

"What are you talking about?"

"You said you always should have told me how you felt. Well, I never should have let you go."

Paige opened her mouth and the closed it again. She was silent for a while. "You really are something else, you know that?"

She smiled a little. "Don't try and use your flattery, I'm not letting go of you."

"I… I didn't say I wanted you to." Her own boldness surprised her.

"No, but you did say that you couldn't do _us_."

"Well maybe I was wrong." She looked at Alex and spoke up before the girl could get a word in. "I mean… I don't want to get your hopes up. You know I want to do this, but-"

"If you want to do it, what's the problem? I love you, you idiot! What else do I have to do to get that point across? Huh, Paige, what's it gonna take for me to get you to stay this time? Do I have to… do I have to get a job? Do I have to go apply to your fancy university? Do I need to stop hanging out with Jay? Do I have to give up the drugs and the drinking? Name it, and I'll do it. I'm yours and only yours"

"Stop it, just stop it!" Paige tried to yank her hand away, but Alex's grip was too strong. "What, did you forget what happened before in the summer between ninth and tenth grade?"

"My memories and your memories wouldn't go together. You stopped talking to me in the winter, remember?"

"No, but remember Sean's brother, Tracker? The graduation party he had, and how Sean wanted us there so it wasn't just him and a bunch of seniors?"

Alex shook her head. She didn't like the direction this conversation was going.

"You, me, Jay, Sean, Marco, Spinner, Hazel and a bottle of 151..."

"Ok, because that doesn't sound like the start to some cheesy teen flick where everyone dies in the end."

"Tell me you don't remember, Alex. Look me right in the fucking eye and you tell me you honestly don't remember what happened."

"I'm looking you fight in the fucking eye, Paige, and I'm telling you…" She stopped talking. The memory of that night suddenly flooded back to her memory. She had tried so hard to push that night away. Everyone who had been there for that pushed it away, and no one ever brought it up. Alex was still surprised at Paige's boldness for even bothering to remember in the first place.

* * *

_Jay was generously filling seven shot glasses with something in a brown paper bag. Alex sat cross legged on his right side, with Marco next to her. Hazel, a girl Alex wasn't too familiar with, was on Marco's other side. Paige sat next to her with Spinner. Alex's eyes went right to the couple, who was holding hands. She forced herself to look away and over at Sean, who was between Spinner and Jay. It was Sean's idea for them to come over to his brother's graduation party in the first place. He had said he didn't want to be the only ninth grader at the party._

_It was Jay who had shown up with the alcohol. However, he was never specific about what kind it was. When Alex had asked him, he simply shrugged her off and called it, "the best kind of party favor." As far as she knew, only Sean and Jay knew what was in that bag. The thought made her slightly uncomfortable. It wasn't that she didn't trust her two friends; it was just that she knew what they were capable of._

_Sean invited everyone to the party. Jay brought the alcohol. Of course, Spinner was the one to quickly suggest playing a game. Hazel was quick to squish Spinner's competitive side, which wanted to play beer pong, and instead suggested the game I never. Everyone quickly agreed to the game, and Sean had gone off to find some shot glasses. He has returned with them, and the group was eager for Jay to finish pouring and give everyone a glass._

"_So," Marco looked around once everyone had their glass. "Who's going to start?"_

"_I think Hazel should, I mean the game _was_ her idea." Spinner said, still feeling sour that beer pong had been rejected._

_Hazel gave Spinner a look and then smiled at the rest of them. "Well, if he insists… Then Paige can go and then he can go, and we can go around that way." She looked thoughtful for a moment, and then smiled. "I've never…stolen the answers to a test ahead of time." He eyes went directly to Paige, who blushed._

"_That was you?!" Sean looked amazed. "Wow, I always thought Jay here had done it and lied to me about it."_

"_It was biology, ok, I was desperate!" Paige raised her glass and took the shot. She instantly started coughing. "Jesus that burned, what the fuck was in that?"_

"_Just a little party favor," Jay smirked and leaned across the circle to refill her glass._

"_Well that one sucked, no one else did anything." Spinner complained._

"_It's your turn, come up with a better one." Marco rolled his eyes._

"_I never… I never…" He paused, trying to think of something. "Wait no! It's Paige's turn! Yesssss, I still have time to think!"_

"_That could take a while," Jay mumbled under his breath. Alex and Sean smirked._

"_Oh, ok," Paige's voice was a little raspy from the drink she had consumed. "Well… I never… I never stole something from one of my friends!"_

_Everyone at the circle looked at her in surprise. They all thought stealing from a friend was something everyone did. Since Paige didn't specify if she meant stealing something big, like money, or small, like clothes, they all took a drink. Hazel pointed an accusing finger at Paige._

"_Clothes, Paige, you always have mine. In fact, isn't that my necklace that you said you lost?" Hazel raised an eyebrow._

"_Shit, I should have been more specific there. So I guess I take a shot, too?" She raised the glass to her lips and downed it before anyone could tell her otherwise. She held it out and waited for Jay to get to it for a refill._

"_Spin's turn," Marco commented, waiting to hear whatever crap Spinner came up with._

"_I never…" He still seemed stuck. "I've never been to a Leafs game."_

_Marco rolled his eyes; leave it to Spinner to have something lame and sports related. He didn't touch his glass. In fact, the only people to take a shot this time were Jay, Sean and, once again, Paige._

_The game kept going, with everyone naming things they had never done, and being surprised at who had or hadn't done what. In the beginning, the things that had been done were boring ones, like lying, failing classes and sneaking out. The more shots they consumed, the more interesting things got. Alex had already had about six shots when it was her turn again. She put a hand to her chin in thought. She looked at Paige briefly before knowing what she was going to say._

"_I've never, EVER, gone and just blasted someone's business in public because I wanted to." She grinned, knowing good and well that she had gotten Paige. For a brief second, she almost felt bad as the girl took what had to have been her tenth shot of the night. Then she went back to not caring. Clearly, some people weren't as innocent as they seemed. In addition to Paige, Marco and Hazel had also taken shots. It was now Marco's turn._

"_Well, I never," he put a hand to his chest and giggled. He had only had maybe four shots, but he was a lightweight. "I've never liked someone in a lower grade."_

_This time, Jay and Sean took shots. Alex looked at Jay and raised an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation._

"_Well you see, my beauuuuuutiful Lexi," he grinned drunkenly. "You should be in a lower grade. Or I should be in a higher one, so I liiiiiiike you!"_

"_You just wanted another shot! Christ, you had about ten already!"_

"_You're catching up there, and we're both behind Paigey. Cameron, my boy! Who's the young meat you've wanted?"_

_Sean smirked at his friend. "I don't think you would know her, because you weren't in eighth grade with us, but this chick Emma Nelson. She's gonna be a freshman next year man… fresh meat!" He laughed at his own joke and slapped hands with Jay._

_It was Hazel's turn again, she sighed in exasperation. "Is it my turn already? It seems like I just had my first game of the shot a minute ago." She laughed. "Oops, I mean shot of the game! Well, let's spice it up yet again! I never…ever…made out with a guy before."_

_All of the guys looked at her in shock. Paige and Alex both had to stop and stare. Hazel just shrugged innocently and looked at Paige and Alex expectantly, waiting for them both to drink up. The two took their shots quickly, eagerly awaiting a refill. Maybe Alex was just imagining things, but she could have sworn she had seen Marco's hand going towards his glass to take a shot. She decided to bring that up next time it was her turn._

_It was Paige's turn once again. She looked directly at Jay and smiled wickedly. Or at least, she assumed she had a wicked smile on her face. She had had way too many shots to keep track and she was just hoping her words would come out right. "I neverrrrrr, everrrrr cheated on someone I was… going out with." She looked at Jay expectantly, but he never took a shot. In fact, much to her surprise, no one did._

"_Seriously," She said, raising her eyebrows._

"_I know, right," Marco started laughing hysterically, which caused Alex to laugh. It set off a chain reaction and pretty soon they were laughing for a good five minutes before calming down. It was Spinner's turn._

"_Alright," he smiled, thinking he had a good one. "I never liked another dude. No homo, man, noooooooo homo. So, what I'm saying issssss, I never liked someone of the same gander as me."_

"_It's gender, not gander, you silly." Sean laughed, but didn't touch his glass._

_They actually all sat there in an uncomfortable silence, before Marco finally picked up his glass. Everyone looked at him in surprise. He shrugged and took his shot without shame. He then glared at Alex. She glared right back at him and then grudgingly took her shot._

"_What, you're into chicks and dick? That works for me!" Jay laughed and slapped hands again with Sean._

_Alex rolled her eyes and then looked over at Paige. "I'm not sure, you knowwwww. I'm not sure if me and Marco Polo there are the only ones who should drink to that!"_

"_Fine, you caught me! You know Mrs. H, that chemistry teacher? If I had some boobs like that…" She took a shot herself._

_All eyes were now on Paige. "No way, don't give me those looks. I'm straighttttttttttt" She dragged out the t for extra emphasis._

_Spinner looked a little disappointed. "Yo, Jay, let's give out those refills, man."_

"_Can't," Jay said looking disappointedly into the bag. "The 151 is gone." He pulled the empty bottle from the bag._

"_151!" Marco exclaimed. "But why is the rum gone?" He said in perfect Jack Sparrow imitation._

"_Now what do we do? Hazy, you know how to play!" Sean looked at her._

"_I'm DRUNK," she laughed. "Do I remember? Ohh, yeahhhh, well, we can all take our last shots, then whoever um… whoever took the most shots all game, you gotta do a dare!"_

_Jay, Sean, Spinner and Paige finished their shots. They sat there in a comfortable silence for a little bit, just taking everything in. It seemed weird to admit it, but they had learned more about each other in the time they played the game then they probably ever would. It was Spinner who spoke up again._

"_So who's doing the dare? Paigey, my love, I think you had the most."_

"_Me," she looked at everyone, who was nodding in agreement. "Why is everyone blaming me like I'm the raging alcoholic?"_

"_Paige, you had like 20 shots before we had gone around the circle once." Sean laughed._

"_Prettttttttttty much," Jay nodded in agreement. "Let's give you a dare!"_

"_How 'bout two dares? I mean, she drank enough for two people." Hazel laughed._

_A few people nodded in agreement, but they ultimately rejected the idea. Marco's face lit up. "I have the perfect idea," he squeaked. "Paigey, I dare you to make out with Alex!"_

"_Snap, I'm down for that! Paige can come right over here so I can see this." Jay smirked._

"_Even better, man; Paige sits on my lap and Lexi sits on your when they do it!" Sean smiled, a little too eager to watch._

"_Hey, buddy, that's my girllllllll. She's sitting on me, but you can watch!" Spinner struggled to stand up, and instead indeed up crawling over to Jay and Alex, bringing Paige with him._

"_I don't want to," Paige whined. "Marco, I hate youuuuu, you know she's fucking gayyyyyy for me!"_

_Paige's comment went past either unnoticed or ignored. Everyone was too busy staring and waiting to see what would come next. Alex looked at Paige in an innocent, yet expectant fashion and waited for the kiss she had been dying for. Paige sighed, but figured that no one would remember these events in the morning. She leaned in slowly, and placed her lips again Alex's. She pulled away quickly, shyly, but she could feel everyone in the room almost pushing them back together. She gave in and leaned in again, this time allowing her lips to linger there. She tilted her head slightly, and felt Alex's tongue running along her lips, begging for an entrance. She opened her mouth a little, nervously, and out of habit, her eyes opened too for a brief second. Thankfully, Alex's eyes were closed, but everyone else's eyes were eagerly watching. She shut her eyes quickly, and allowed herself to get a little more into the kiss. This really didn't feel too bad, now that she thought about it. The inside of Alex's mouth felt no different from Spinner's. The only different was that Alex didn't taste like any sort of food. Or maybe the alcohol had just made her taste buds numb._

* * *

"I'm telling you," Alex came back to reality. "I'm telling you that I do remember that night." She felt defeated. "Marco ended up making out with some guy, and Hazel got her first make out session from Sean of all people."

"You're forgetting the most important part," Paige smiled at her.

"No, I'm getting there. We got drunk and made out. The important part was your reaction the next day. How you made everyone swear not to bring that night up. How you said it meant nothing and I was nothing. How it was a one night thing. How you felt that you owed it to me after you blew me off in the winter." Alex could feel herself getting angrier, she could feel the tears coming on. "You always walk away, Paige; always. I let you kiss me and walk away last time… This time is different."

"No it's not, Lexi," her voice softened. "The only difference is that I admitted my feelings. I know you say you're not good enough for me, but it's _me_ who isn't good enough for _you_. I'm serious," she noticed the look Alex was giving her.

"What do I have to do, Paige?" She was repeating what she had said earlier. "I told you, anything, and I'm yours."

"I need you to let me go," she said finally. "If you love me, you'll let me go. I'll come back when I'm ready."

Alex's grip tightened. She suddenly felt really angry. Only one other person had said something similar to that, and that was her father. She had only been around eight at the time, but she remembered. He had told her it was a business trip and that he loved her. He said he would be back. Needless to say, he never came back because he never loved her. She felt the anger at her father taking over, and she let go of Paige's hand.

"Walk away from me, Paige. If that's what you want to do… _again_… then be my guest."

Paige gave her an apprehensive look. She didn't know if it was a trick or not. She slowly backed away. "I just need some time, I swear."

"You need some time," Alex's tone was cold and mocking. "I've been waiting for so long. How much time do you need, another five years?" Her blood was beginning to boil.

"Alex, hon, don't," Paige glared at her. "Stop making me the villain. If you love me, let me have some more time. I just… I really need to be comfortable with this."

"I'm tired of this, ok. I know I said I loved you and I would do anything to make you happy, but this won't make me happy. I can't wait for you forever. If you walk away now, you're losing me for good."

Paige was floored. Everyone had been saying that to her lately- that Alex wouldn't wait forever. She blew them off, but hearing it from the girl herself really changed it. She knew Alex- when her mind was made, it was made. "I need time," she managed.

"You'll have all the time. You're dead to me, Paige Michalchuk; you're just a freak with a crush on me." She used the same words Paige had used on her years earlier.

"I need time," Paige started. "But, if I spend the time with you, it will make it all easier. Alex, I need to spend that time with you. I need to be with you so I won't walk away." She went back to the bed and grabbed Alex's hand again.

* * *

**A/N:** So, I know I said that chapter was gonna be all tearful and emotional... Well, I lied. See, I ended up writing the I never scene to cheer myself up, and it actually did put me in a really good mood. Hence why Alex and Paige's discussion at the end may be intense, but not so much like super emotional. Or maybe I'll just numb to any emotion right now. Either way, make sure you review this and tell your friends about it! Remember, more reviews mean faster updates. That way, everyone wins! So for the upcoming chapters, I'm not sure what I want to happen (besides an obvious Palex reunion). They still have to go see the police about Alex jumping that kid, so I'll eventually get to that (that's going to be a boring chapter, but I can't really skip it haha). I'm pretty sure JT's funeral will be in the story, but that's going to be near the end, if it's not the last chapter. GIve me ideas, guys! What do you wanna see?


	11. Cry

**The Suffering**

**Disclaimer:** I lack money, so I will never be able to own Degrassi. This chapter is a song by Rihanna.

**A/N: **Don't think I forgot about this!! I had the hugest case of writers block ever! I kept sitting here looking at the story, but nothing was even coming to mind. However, I did put out a oneshot about Alex stripping called Question Existing (shameless plug lol). And I started working on a new story. All I'll say is that it involves Alex, Paige, Jay and Ellie. Well I hope this chapter satisfies you guys! Hopefully now my writer's block is gone and I can be more consistent with these updates.

* * *

**Chapter X: Cry**

_October 20, 2007_

**Toronto General Hospital**

_"I need time," Paige started. "But, if I spend the time with you, it will make it all easier. Alex, I need to spend that time with you. I need to be with you so I won't walk away." She went back to the bed and grabbed Alex's hand again._

Alex looked at Paige, feeling skeptical. As much as she wanted to tell Paige that they would be okay, a voice in the back of her head kept saying otherwise. The voice was restricting her thoughts and keeping her from speaking. Even though her skeptical inner voice wouldn't let her speak, it sure wasn't forcing her to keep holding Paige's hand. To Alex, this was the only sign she really needed.

"Paige, I know I said you would lose me by walking away, and even though every single voice in my head is telling me otherwise, I'll give you the time you need." Her inner voice started to scream at her.

"Alex," Paige gaped at her. What was she supposed to say to that? "Do you mean that, hon?"

She nodded slowly. "I don't like it, but I mean it."

"I love you!" She leaned in for a kiss but was surprised when Alex pushed her back roughly.

"Wait a second there," Alex's inner voice had finally screamed some sense into her. "Paige, I may have said you had some time, but you're on my watch." She smirked at Paige's stunned expression.

"Your watch," a confused expression crossed her face. "But what does that mean?"

"That means that I'm giving you time to get it together and decide if I'm what you want. I told you I wasn't waiting forever, and I'm only waiting a few more days. JT's funeral is on the twenty-third and-"

"You want me to have a decision by his funeral, am I right?" Paige cut her off.

Alex's only response was to nod.

"Three days," she looked thoughtful. "I think I can do that, but I do have one question to ask you."

"What?" her tone was flat.

"Alex Nunez, will you go on a date with me tonight? Say around… eight o'clock? Do you still live in the same apartment you were in freshman year; I'll come pick you up?"

_You'll pick me up with what car?_ The sarcastic comment was on the tip of her tongue, but she held it together. "You want time, yet you're asking me out?"

"You always need a first date before you can really figure out if you wanna be in it for the long run with a person. I'll see you tonight Alex." With a wink, she had left the room.

"It's still the same apartment," Alex said aloud, to no one. "Mom's got a different asshole boyfriend, but it's still the same place. Fuck I wish the doctors would keep me here tonight..."

* * *

Out in the hallway, Marco and Jay were both quiet. Marco had a feeling Jay would end up with whiplash if he kept checking out every nurse who went past. Although he himself had stolen the occasional glance at a handsome male nurse or doctor who would walk past. Marco started to tap his foot out of both nervousness and impatience. Jay furrowed his brow at Marco's nervousness, but found himself winking at the busty brunette nurse who had caught his eye. He was about to get up and go attempt to chat up the nurse, but Paige happened to choose this moment to come out of Alex's room.

Paige was trying really hard to keep her expression neutral. This was proving difficult for her since she was a mix of emotions. On one hand, she was happy Alex decided to compromise with her. On the other, she was nervous that three days wouldn't be enough time to fully embrace the idea of dating Alex. The idea had always appealed to her; she just never thought it would really happen. She questioned whether or not three days would be enough time for her. Even if they weren't, she wasn't going to admit that to Alex. She was also nervous about going on a date. _You idiot,_ she told herself. _When is this last time outside of just now that it was just the two of us- freshman year? Oh, wow, we probably don't even have anything in common to talk about. This is going to be a disaster. Maybe the doctors will want to keep her or maybe the police will need to arrest her when she goes down there. I know I'm getting out of here fast before dumb and dumber over there try to question me._

"I have to go," Paige said, cutting off both Jay and Marco. "Marco, if I'm not at home when you get back, I'll probably be at the mall. I need something nice to wear for to- for JT's funeral." She caught herself quickly. She didn't want to divulge about the date to anyone yet.

"Uh, ok," Marco looked at her confusedly. "You know, Alex is probably mad at me anyway for barging in. I can just drive you home now."

"No," her reply came out instantly. "I mean, no thanks, I'll just catch the bus and go straight to the mall."

"Because you really have a purse and money on you," Jay said smirking. "You never struck me as the five finger discount kind of girl."

"Jay," she glared at him, but refrained from speaking again. "Marco, go talk to Alex; she knows you're here so you may as well say hi. Can you make it quick though? I really need to go to the mall."

"The mall is always going to be there." Marco looked confused.

"I know," Paige struggled for an excuse. "But you know how long and crazy those lines get. And the funeral is in a few days… I need to have my outfit today so I can return it and get something new if I don't like it."

Marco looked at Paige, but not before exchanging a suspicious glance with Jay. He knew Paige was up to something, but decided not to press it. "Give me five minutes."

Jay waited until Marco was inside the room before speaking again. "Wow, five finger discounts and lying; I'm impressed." He smirked up at her. "You don't expect me to believe that the great Paige Michalchuk came all the way back to little old Toronto for a funeral with just the clothes on her back."

"Jay, don't start with me." Paige gave him another cold glare. "I do need clothes."

"What, did your parents give all your clothes to the pawn shop? Or did you just pack up your entire wardrobe and take it to your beloved Banting?"

"I need to wear something new… something nice and…" she stopped talking. "Why is it any of your business? It isn't!"

"Del Faggot over there may be a little stupid, but I know I'm not. You told me you weren't gonna come out of that room without a girlfriend. So what time is your hot little date with Alex?"

"Eight," Paige replied without thinking. "Jay; I hate you for that!"

He didn't answer her, but gave her one of his trademark smirks.

* * *

"Alex," Marco closed the door behind him. "I am sooooooooooooo sorry for earlier. Jay tried to tell me, but I was just so… I really wanted to… So what's going on with you and Paige? Spill, I have five minutes then I gotta get out of here!"

"I was finally straight with her," Alex laughed a little. "No pun intended. But Paige pulled her usual 'boo-hoo feel bad for me I'm so confused and I need some time' deal, so I just told her about herself. I told her to quit fucking with my emotions and that if she was gonna walk away for some time, I wasn't gonna wait for her this time. So I guess she tried to cut a deal with me, but I wasn't having any of that."

"Oh no," Marco looked at her nervously. _No wonder Paige had been in such a hurry to leave,_ he thought. Alex _must have rejected her and she loves retail therapy._

"On no, nothing," Alex snapped. "I told her she has until JT's funeral to decide if she wants to be with me. So assuming I'm outta here tonight, she's taking me on a date."

"So that's why she was in a hurry… Alex, I gotta go!" He opened the door again. "I hope you feel better… and call me tonight!"

Marco walked over to Paige and smiled at her. "Ready to go get that outfit?"

"Marco, hon, I was born ready. Ready to help me pick a winner?" She stood up and linked arms with him.

"Hey, Paige," Jay looked up at her from his seat. "Blue carnations; but if she so much as asks you about it, I didn't tell you."

* * *

**A/N: **Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know that this ending could have been way better, but it's not. Originally, I was gonna have it end with Jay and Alex talking, but I decided to save that and have the next chapter focus on Jay and Alex talking and possibly Marco and Paige's shopping adventure. But it's your call! Do you want those to be together or two seperate chapters? Review away with your ideas and input!


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